Sweetbutterbliss

She's Got Bette Davis Eyes

2012-02-11T01:35:00.000-06:00

"I have been uncompromising, peppery, intractable, tactless, volatile and at times disagreeable..I suppose I am larger then life. -Bette Davis

The Links That Kept Me Awake All Night

2012-02-05T05:34:00.002-06:00

Oh man! It has been a long time since I got to do this. And that sucks because this is one of my favorite things to do. Explore the internet and then share it all with you. My littlest monster turned 2 last week, the pediatrician said she may be 5'9. She is going to tower over me. We had a successful party without me turning into an anxious mess and that is a huge success in itself. Enough about me, on to the interwebs, enjoy!

Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

I have professed my immense love for the Muppet's. I also really dig OK Go. And here's both of them doing the themes song.

You know how the media freaked out over a police officer pepper spraying a bunch of peaceful protesters? Have you ever noticed that the media freaks out when it's a bunch of white people who get pepper sprayed? Yeah me too. And this woman has a lot to say about it.

Importance advice: How to handle a fart in yoga.

The "secrets" to how reality TV is made.

Shit Austinites say.

End Islamophobia

I don't watch a lot of sitcoms, mostly because of the way they portray couples and their marriages. Why do all tv couples hate each other?

My favorite Etta James song. RIP.

Lovecraft monster rugs!

Shit New Age Girls Say.

Adipositivy = Fat positive.

A life sized Tardis? Yes please!

There are ice cream trucks in the New York Harbor, and lots of other creepy things.

Every Doctor Who story in just ten minutes.

People were in an uproar about this woman doing yoga in her underwear. But it doesn't look any different then some yoga outfits I've seen. And can we please concentrate on how beautiful and flowing she is instead?

Would people notice if you died? I hope so.

This woman does this lesson about racism every year. Some of the things that she said kind of blew my mind. Watch it please.

Obama blasts politicians who boo a gay soldier. Rightfully so.

Underground Weather tells you about the weather right where you are. Right now it's 42.5 degrees. And it's supposed to rain.

Use this to figure out what to make for dinner.

What have you guys seen or heard or read or even written yourself online this week? Share in the comments so I can check it out.

Self Acceptance

2012-02-03T00:01:00.001-06:00

I have lately been submerging myself in the body acceptance and self acceptance movement.

But I guess I haven't really been paying attention. Oh I've been accepting my body much better then ever before. The other day I found myself telling my husband how nice I thought my boobs are. He obviously agreed. So the BODY acceptance part has seen some progress.

The self acceptance part is a little harder.

I was wallowing the other day in what a worthless person I am. A crappy mom, friend and wife. Just really self pitying the heck out of myself. Reliving shitty things I've said and done, reliving shitty things other people have said and done to me. And then I was like "I am so TIRED of doing this." Exhausted, fatigued even. I made some mistakes and I accept that at times in my life I haven't been the best me I could. And yeah there are jerks in my life who have made me doubt myself. But I am so bored of letting it define me.

I am moving on. I will not beat myself up anymore. I won't tuck away all the hateful words just so I can pull them out later and mull over them pathetically. I am going to accept me. The good and bad, and look towards the future. I will keep working on loving my body, but I am going to work just as hard on loving me.

Because let's face it, I am pretty fucking fantastic.

What do you need to move on from?

A Diagnosis-PYHO

2012-02-01T13:16:00.001-06:00

This is my Peanut. Before I even met her. She's technically my step daughter. But she's still my Peanut. My daughter.

When she was little she use to hug complete strangers and tell them that she loved them. We had to have the stranger danger talk with her A LOT. She doesn't make friends easily because she doesn't understand how to play different games. She insists on playing her own games, full of pretending and being different characters.

She is OBSESSED with Pokemon. She isolates and has trouble focusing. And recently she's been doing incredibly strange things at school. Growling at the teacher, hiding under her desk, and other things.

Any of you parents who are parenting an autistic child probably know what I am going to say.

She has Aspergers.

I have had to calm down her hysterical (and mostly useless) mother. No ,she is not broken, no, there is nothing wrong with her, no, we don't need a second opinion and no, a private school will not fix her either.

To be honest I am relieved. Now we know. And now we can move on and start helping her. Helping her understand the world around her. Not letting her wander through trying to figure out what she can not understand. Because she is still my Peanut. No matter what.

What do you need to pour your heart out about?

My Current Daughters

2012-01-30T00:01:00.001-06:00

Are Body Acceptance Blogs Promoting Poor Health?

2012-01-28T00:01:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I don’t think so. I have never seen a body acceptance blog encourage people to eat too much, or to not go to the doctor.

No one in the body acceptance movement is asking people to ignore their health. It’s true, there are some fat people who are unhealthy. But are they any unhealthier then a thin woman who smokes too much? Unhealthy can come in all shapes, sizes and colors. You can not tell by looking at someone if they are unhealthy or not. I mean, hell, Halle Berry has type 2 diabetes and she doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her.

The body acceptance movement is about saying that society’s ideas of one type of body being acceptable is bullshit. That woman who are big or curvy or even super skinny are beautiful because of who they are, not because of their pants size.

And everyone should get a check up. And if you are unhealthy, you should do something about it. The solution is rarely as one note as losing weight. But don’t just assume that because a woman has a rocking ass, saucy hips and a soft cozy panza that they are unhealthy. And on the flip side, don’t assume because someone is a size 2 that they are healthy.

All we ask is that you open your eyes and try to accept a different definition of beauty and health then the one the media has been feeding you.

Do you think body acceptance blogs are promoting poor health? Why?

Picture Disclaimer

2012-01-27T07:07:00.000-06:00

As much as I wish, I am not a professional photographer, or even a really good amateur photographer. The majority of the photos on my blog are not mine. If you want to know where they come from please click the picture for the source. If you see your picture and don't want it on here, let me know and I will gladly remove it. Thank you.

Bed-Red Writing Hood

2012-01-24T11:17:00.000-06:00

I don't think I ask for much. New sheets, a flip and a rotate now and again and a deep cleaning occasionally. But no! They don't even make me up in the morning! Can you imagine, always being undone? Sheets bundled down at my feet, pillows on the floor. You can not believe how lonely it is without pillows.

And I put up with so much. I get bounced around by the adults, then comes the babies who love to jump and squeal on me. Oy my springs ache sometimes. Let's not mention the many times I have been peed on. You know they do have there own beds thank you very much.

All I do is support them. I mold myself and cradle their delicate heads and weary backs. I've absorbed dreams and tears, I am full of them. The many fights I have heard, and the mummers of the night. Whispers of love and forgiveness, quiet voices asking for water or to crawl in. Oh the snuggles I have enjoyed, those are my favorite parts. All the love piled into one bed, tickling and laughing and rolling all over me.

I mean really couldn't they at least make me up? All neat with pillows and the blanket pulled up. It doesn't take that long for goodness's sake.

What would your bed have to say about you?

Good or Bad Foods?

2012-01-23T00:01:00.001-06:00

The best thing I have taken with me through intuitive eating or hunger directed eating is that food has no morality. It’s not good or bad. It’s how you approach it and how you eat it. It’s astonishing to me how many foods are considered “bad.” Even fruit because of its sugar content.

Try this. When you go food shopping listen to your reactions. Do you avoid the cookie aisle because it’s bad? or the chip aisle? Do you berate yourself for craving pizza rolls? Don’t judge yourself, just realize all these ingrained diet thoughts are in your head. Even when you aren’t trying to “diet.” It’s kind of insane. Also eat some fucking pizza rolls. Because they are tasty. Make sure you get Totinos, not the generic kind though.

Remember: Food has no morality. Repeat it and enjoy.

What is some of your "bad" or "good" foods?

Them Bones

2012-01-21T02:54:00.000-06:00

Didya know?

Babies have more bones than grown-ups. You’re born with about 300 bones, but when you’re grown up you end up with around 260. What happens? As you get older some of your small bones grow together into big ones.

What do you know?

Salt Water-Red Writing Hood

2012-01-20T06:30:00.000-06:00

Some people don't know that salt should be in every recipe. Even the sweetest dessert has at least a pinch of salt. Because salt isn't actually for flavoring. Salt is supposed to bring out the other flavors. Also to keep your bread from rising up and exploding. No one wants bland exploded bread.

So salt is to food, tears are to life. A good life should have at least a pinch of tears. Tears can bring out the flavoring of life, so to speak. They will remind you what is important, who is worth it, what you should risk your heart on and why. They come to you in different ways. Great heaving sobs trying to hollow out your sadness in one go, angry wiped away tears refusing for others to see your weakness and the very best kind, laughter and tears. Your real friends are the ones who stay and try to make you laugh.

Baking is something that heals me. It drains all the pain and sadness from out of my arms. When I am done I feel lighter and ready. I am unaware of my tears until I wipe them off my checks, smearing flour and chocolate. And I don't ever forget the salt.

What heals you?

Advice from Kindergarten

2012-01-16T00:01:00.001-06:00

We can all use a little refresher course on the basics. Here's some rules to remember for 2012.

Share everything—no matter how much you want it for yourself.

Play fair and give everyone an opportunity to participate.

Don't hit people. Make peace instead

.
Put things back where you found them. An organized life is something to value.

Clean up your own mess so others don’t have to clean things up for you.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody—it could avoid wars!

Wash your hands before you eat. Stay healthy and clean.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you—yum.

Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together—Never forget that family is the most important thing in the world.

Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup—they all die. So do we. Live life everyday with as much joy and wonder as possible.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first words you learned—the most important words of all—LOOK. LOOK, DREAM, LIVE.

from All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten.

What is your lesson you learned from kindergarten?

Unity

2012-01-14T02:29:00.000-06:00

Revolutions not Resolutions

2012-01-07T04:25:00.000-06:00

Loyal Friends

2012-01-06T05:21:00.000-06:00

"There is no friend as loyal as a book"

-Ernest Hemmingway

Being a Fat Girl-PYHO

2012-01-04T14:55:00.001-06:00

I have always been a fat girl. Chubby, overweight, big boned. Fat. When I was in basic training I was the smallest I've ever been. But I was still a fat girl. Like it just wouldn't sink in that I was skinny. And it didn't last long anyway.

I wasn't raised in a healthy way. My dad would joke when he made dinner about how his doctor said he needed more cholesterol. I wasn't ever encouraged to go outside. I read a lot and watched a lot of TV. But then my dad would make piggy noises at me when I went to the fridge. Needless to say I have body and self esteem issues.

But now I am not just a fat girl, but a fat mom. I have three little girls. And I never ever want them to feel bad about who they are. Even if who they are is chubby. I can't possibly do that until I accept me. A fat mom.

I don't plan on giving up and just eating chips and cheese dip all day. I still want my girls to eat healthy and move their little bodies the way they were meant to. But I want them to know that food has no morality. It isn't "good" or "bad" and shouldn't be associated with guilt. Ever. A well balanced meal with vegetables and protein is important and healthy. But ice cream is health food too, mental health food. Sometimes it's okay to eat a box of french fries. Just savor them and move on. I want them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Not to starve or binge or gorge themselves. Then beat themselves up afterward.

I know that I can't fight against the media or the popular opinion. But I will do my best to fight it at home and to fight it by being the example they see. I'm not saying all my issues will go away over night. But I will fake it until I make it and hopefully teach my girls a new way to look at things. So they know healthy is not the same as skinny and vica versa.

What body issues do you struggle with?

Meet Our Sponsor!

2012-01-02T06:57:00.000-06:00

When I was a kid my step mom taught me to sew. I made all kinds of clothes for my barbie dolls. We made our own patterns and my Barbie's were pretty freaking stylish if I do say so myself. And ever since then I have a love of making things with my hands. When people ask me where I got my dress, I get a smug satisfaction being able to say. "Oh I made it myself." Like it's no big deal.

That's probably why I think our sponsor this month rocks my (hand-knitted) socks off! Tina from

What-I- Found was one of the very first blogs I followed. Her and her husband travel around the country and she hunts for vintage sewing patterns. And has found a ton of amazing ones. Now she has branched into selling them.

On her website you can find vintage, current, and even cosplay patterns. (Be still my nerdy heart.) You can search by size, type, or pretty much anything you can think of or you can just browse around. She thoroughly checks them to make sure they are complete and usable. She also offers shipping discounts for bigger orders. And she is always around if you have a question.

Go check her out and I know you will find something that you will love and want to make for yourself.

Are you interested in sponsoring? Contact me at sweetbutterbliss@gmail.com.

Perhaps Not.

2011-12-27T14:02:00.000-06:00

"Perhaps they are not stars.

but rather opening in heaven

where the love of our lost ones

pours through and shines down upon

us to let us know they are happy.

-Eskimo Proverb

Weekly List of Links That Keep Me Awake

2011-12-24T08:48:00.004-06:00

This week has been hectic. Two sick kids, driving all over creation to Peanut's daycare, and getting lost twice on the way there, and work of course. We went to see the Christmas tree lighting at the Capitol. It was beautiful and very Xmasy. Except for the two extraordinarily whiny kids I had with me. Who's kids were those? I have no idea, not mine certainly. Yesterday was Peanut's 9th birthday! Stop growing damn it. Normally I'd post this on Sunday, but since it's Christmas I thought you guys could use the internet to escape from your family for a minute. Here's some of the links that have kept me awake all week.

And here's the weeks link that helped me stay awake all night. Enjoy!

Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead.

— Scottish Proverb

The very best recipe for making cookies I have ever seen.

Galadarlings 100 Ways to Start Loving Yourself. I think I am going to work through all 100.

I want the Walking Dead chucks so bad! Do you think Santa will come through? Also he should bring me this cone of shame shirt.

I always liked Jane better then Daria. I would love to have done this cosplay!

Cocktails based on the Harry Potter characters. I'm not a big drinker, but I'm down for this.

Wow, apparently George Orwell knew his shit.

Rad Harry Potter fan art.

What do you think a 4-8 year old thinks the meaning of love is? Some of these answers are dead on to me.

So obviously Veteran's Day is way behind us..or way ahead of us depending on your perspective, but the troop can use our help every single day. Here's 11 ways you can! And here's 8 more ways to help people.

Love Actually is not just one of my favorite holiday movies, but one of my all time favorites. But it's not perfect and I had to agree with a lot of Hate, Actually.

This statue is so intense. I could look at it all day.

An artist took hundreds of tourist photos of popular destinations and layered them. They look like eerie watercolors. Almost ghost like. Very cool idea.

This is super adorable. In a menacing dark side kind of way.

I worry so much about my kids having a complex about food and their bodies. This post made me cry a little bit, but also reminded me to speak up! And that hot chocolate with whipped cream can cure anything.

What have you guys seen or written this week? Leave it in the comments for me!

1 of 100 Ways to Start Loving Myself Right Now

2011-12-23T02:18:00.000-06:00

I suffer from frequent bouts of low self-esteem. Just like everyone in the whole wide world. And sometimes I need something to cheer me up and remind me why I should love myself. Because I AM pretty awesome if I stop to think about it.

I stumbled on to Gala Darling and her Radical Self Love campaign a long time ago. If you're looking for inspiration on being yourself and loving yourself, her site is everything you could ask for. She has a list of 100 ways you can start loving yourself right now. And since I could use a little radical self love any day, and I'm sure you guys can too, I'm embarking on a 100 step journey. Feel free to join me.

♥ Make lists of reasons why you love yourself.

" We’re so quick to believe people when they say nasty, unkind or “brutally honest” (ahem, cruel) things to or about us, & we discard all the times we’re told how amazing, beautiful or intelligent we are. Usually this is because our sense of self-doubt is stronger than our self-love."

It's so true! I still remember mean things high school boyfriends have said to me, but I dismiss it when my husband compliments me. How silly! So here's my list of things I think rock about me.

I am...

-a generous person

-a good cook

-smart

-funny

-sexy

-sarcastic (I consider that a good thing)

-beautiful

-a really fast reader

-a good friend

-great listener

I think I have great eyes and I love my big swinging hips. I also love my c-section scar from both my babies.

And I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. Jealous? As you should be.

It's not long, but it works for me. What are a few things you love about yourself?

Amaranthine

2011-12-17T03:45:00.001-06:00

Amaranthine

Holding My Breath-Red Writing Hood

2011-12-16T06:09:00.001-06:00

3, 2, 1.

It was the longest two minutes of my life. I sat on the edge of the bathtub hutched over the two tiny screens. As a sexual active person I have taken my fair share of pregnancy tests. And they always came out negative. Every single time. So would this one.

I had twisted my body and awkwardly peed on the stick successfully not peeing on my hands. That was a good sign already. I was a little concerned that the plus sign showed up almost immediately. But it would fade out to be replace by two solid lines in each window. No worries.

After two minutes had passed it still had a fucking plus sign. I re-read the instructions hoping that plus sign meant, "It's a plus that you aren't knocked up!" But no, it meant "It's a plus that you know who the baby daddy is!" Luckily it comes with two tests. I tried again.

Stupid fucking plus sign. Maybe it was defective? I considered having my male room mate pee on one, just to test it out, but I had to accept facts. I was pregnant. I was pregnant with the guy I had been dating for two months. Awesome! He was going to hate me. I just knew it.

That was six years ago and we have the best little family to show for it. And he doesn't hate me. Sometimes he finds me incredibly frustrating, but who can blame him. And now if I have to take another pregnancy test I know, they aren't always negative. Sometimes you get a plus sign, and that plus sign could mean anything. To me it ended up meaning "It's a plus that you get to be a mommy and eventually a wife."

Have you ever been in a situation that seemed bad, but ended up being the best?

Oh the clingy!-PYHO

2011-12-14T15:09:00.001-06:00

I adore my children. I love being a mother more then any thing else. It's the most important thing I do.

But sometimes...

I just want to be left alone. I don't want to listen, I don't want them hanging on me. Some days I will give them pretty much anything to get them to be quiet and leave me alone.

On these days they eat ice cream, watch cartoons and play video games all day. I try very hard not to snap at them or yell. And to keep the peace and my sanity. Seconds on ice cream it is, then.

I feel guilty and I try and remember that all too soon they won't want to hang out with me. I make an extra super mommy effort the next day. But some days I really just need some quiet.

How do you handle it when you want to be left alone?

Cleaning House-RemembeRED

2011-12-13T16:03:00.000-06:00

I read his email. His rant, his spew of word carefully chosen to manipulate me, to make me feel guilty. It was incredibly long, but I read every word. The expected response was to cry and beg his forgiveness, to promise anything and some how I would end up being the bad guy and him the wronged one. A track of emotional abuse that I had been running for almost a year. And I was having trouble keeping up.

Because this time, I didn't feel guilty or the need to grovel. I was empty. I replied to his email, the one that I knew he had agonized over picking the exact words to push my buttons. I replied just one word.

"Ok"

No arguments or apologies. I felt light. For the first time I felt like I could move on. I had washed my hands of him. Immediately the phone rang off the hook. He knew that he was losing me. He would apologize, charm, and promise until I gave in. But the track would keep going around and my body and heart were tired of running.

I calmly hit the answer button and scrubbed my life clean of him. I was cleaning house and when I was done there would be no trace of him. He would be dust in a pan and I would move on without looking back.

How have you had to "clean house" in your life?

Happy Belated Blogiversary to Me!

2011-12-10T06:41:00.000-06:00

On November 30 my blog turned 2. And it's already going through the terrible two stages! I'll try and reign it back in and get it back on task. I promise.

Meanwhile, tell me your favorite birthday memory in the comments!

The Weekly Links That Keep Me Awake

2011-11-27T08:45:00.003-06:00

We had a great Thanksgiving. Tasty food, family time and we went to see The Muppets. How was yours? Work has been really frustrating. The girls freaking out about the holidays and not enough staff to deal with it. I feel tense and wound up all the time right now. But hopefully I can use the Internet to distract me. And you too! Here goes nothing.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
— W.H. Murray

I know Veteran's Day was a little while back. But I think we should honor them every day. Eight things you should know about our veterans.

I fully believe in the concept of health at every size. Here's how to explain it to your trainer.

Pictures of celebrities you probably haven't seen before.

Did you hear about the teacher and aide who were recorded verbally abusing a student and their family? As usual Stark Raving Mad Mommy is on top of it and has a few choice words.

The Brave trailer looks fantastic! Super excited for it.

So basically the Muppets make me furiously happy. And I love Jason Segal, so this opening SNL act is like glitter and unicorns to me.

The best cure for close talkers.

Star Wars sex play gets weird.

13 month old Princess Leia and possibly the world's cutest Ewok.

I reeeeaaally want to get Robert this shirt.

The most accurate Up photo shoot ever seen. Not to mention, super adorable.

Did you guys write, or see anything amazing this week? Leave it in the comments pretty please!

Then I Am Totally The Best People

2011-11-26T03:37:00.000-06:00

Pst. Don't forget about my giveaway. You can find all the details here. It ends tomorrow!

WebMD Is Not Good For People With Anxiety.

2011-11-25T08:01:00.000-06:00

Pst. Don't forget about my giveaway. It ends Sunday and you can read about it here.

I Think I Expect Too Much-PYHO

2011-11-23T19:34:00.000-06:00

I always feel so incredibly stupid when I realize that I have been let down again. By family, friends, co workers. I feel naive. Too many times I have expected someone to have my back or be there for me and they disappoint. And still I am shocked and heartbroken when they don't come through. They make me feel worthless and not worth their time.

I don't mean that I expect big things. Just basic decency and kindness. Common courtesy even. But I still expect people to be there for me and they let me down. Every time. You would think that at some point I would learn.

My husband always reminds me that it's us against the world. So I try and remember that. I can rely on my family. The one I have created as an adult. And not have too many expectations of people outside of that.

It makes me sad to have to feel that way. Painful, but necessary.

Do you still have expectations of people?

My Quiet Place-RemembeRED

2011-11-22T17:47:00.000-06:00

Dusty spines, yellowed pages, and dust mites swirling through the slanting sunlight.

Getting lost in stacks that threaten to topple at any moment.

Each spine holds new information, new people to meet, new words.

An antique chair has held many curled up dreamers, lost in other worlds.

Books wait for their pages to be rifled, to be taken home.

The soft murmur of other readers, explaining in vain why this book.

Words cannot explain the love of words.

You just have to read it for yourself.

A quiet place, a sanctuary, a used bookstore.

What's your quiet place?

A Small Truth

2011-11-21T03:03:00.000-06:00

A Call for December Sponsors, Plus A Giveaway-Now Closed

2011-11-19T06:13:00.001-06:00

I am jumping into the sponsor game. Who's excited? This gal! And hopefully you. I'd love to spend the holidays with you guys. We will eat lots of food, watch special holiday themed sitcoms, and have uncomfortable political conversations with my Grandpa. Good times!

Here's the deets. When you sponsor Sweetbutterbliss you will get my eternal gratitude, a 150x150 ad in the side bar for the whole month, and your very own post, pimping you out. I am totally flexible, I can do the pimping, you can write something up and pimp yourself, or we can pimp out your wares by collaborating on a giveaway. It's your ad, let's do what you want with it!

But wait...there's more. . Since it is December and that means Christmakwanzakah, I come bearing gifts! I am giving away one of the ads. That's right, free advertising! You know you want it.

To win I need you to follow me and leave a comment telling me what you want for Christmakwanzakah. Besides an ad on Sweetbutterbliss, obviously. I'll draw the winner using random.org. It all ends on Sunday 11/27. One week!

For extra entries you can tweet about it, I'm not going to tell you what to say but make sure you @sweetbutterblis. (with just one s) Then come back and comment again letting me know.

This giveaway is now closed.

Waiting For My Ruca-Red Writing Hood

2011-11-18T06:47:00.000-06:00

A small escape. We don't have much time or much money, but our hearts sing for empty highways. The sun sparks off the pine trees and winks at us between the needles. I rest my filthy feet on the dash admiring my impressive y shaped tan lines from living in flip flops all summer. I run my hands thorough my hair, it has been lightened by the sun and I am blond again for a brief moment and I feel the power inherent in that.

Our breaks are short, we can't go too far. But upstate New Jersey holds a wealth of windy carless roads. I put my hand out the window letting the wind buffer it up and down. I hear in my head, a boyfriend explaining wind currents and how airplanes stay up. It's what I always think of when I put my hand out of a speeding vehicle. Also stories told by paranoid mothers about hands being torn off by passing cars. It makes me cautious.

We listen to surf tunes, reggae, music that carries the smell of acrid green smoke. That brings beaded curtains, low couches and lazy mornings, to mind. I sing the words I know getting lost in the music. We don't talk, we just concentrate on the road trip. Taking it seriously.

Our time winds down, we return reluctantly and park. I scoot my flip flops back on, hop out of the car and run to the lake. My bathing suit and whistle constant summer companions. For now, I am aired out. Ready to demonstrate dolphin kicks and how to blow bubbles. Ready to pay attention and keep my charges safe. A much needed adventure.

What's your favorite road trip memory?

Food For Thought

2011-11-13T05:24:00.001-06:00

So this week. I had to call in to work because Peanut ended up at the hospital dehydrated. So we were stuck in the emergency room for almost five hours. But luckily it was only that and not something serious. Pea has been really trying not to have any temper tantrums this week. She keeps telling us..3 days without one..4 days..5 days. Bliss just keeps adding words to her little vocabulary. Yesterday I ate terrible and rewarded myself with a headache and tummy ache. So that was a lot of fun. I cannot believe Thanksgiving is so close! Confession: I don't really like Turkey. I prefer ham. What about you?

Enough jibber jabber, here's my finds on the internets to, hopefully, keep you entertained.

Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching.
— Thomas Jefferson

If you've been wondering where Allie from Hyperbole and a Half has been, here's her amazing, honest, beautiful post about it.

Mothering held a costume for best Halloween costume and I spent an hour looking at all the adorable kids in costume. It is like an adorable overload. I promise.

This talk is about a surgeon who reconstructs the faces of people who have been disfigured. It's graphic in parts, but none the less awesome.

Alex at Unicorns for Socialism wants you to tell us who you are. Do it.

Halloween reasons not to drink. Very convincing.

It's Michelle's birthday. Go say hi and check out her list of people who didn't kick ass until after their 30's.

A fellow Austinite stands with Planned Parenthood and so do I.

Have you guys written or seen anything good this week? Leave it in the comments!

Celebrate Veterans Day Today

2011-11-11T01:48:00.000-06:00

Today is Veteran's day. A day where I can eat at Golden Corral for free. Score!

But seriously, I can not stress this enough. No matter what you think about the politics of war, this should not stop you from honoring our military. They are making amazing sacrifices everyday and they deserve our respect. Not just the people in the military but their families. Children who don't remember what they're daddy looks like and spouses who are doing the work of two and trying to keep it together while their loved one is in harm's way. They deal with physical and emotional wounds long after they return home. I think they deserve our respect no matter whether you agree with the war or not.

So please, put your politics aside today and thank a veteran. You can go here for a list of ways to help. Just don't forget what these amazing people and their family have gone through and are still going through.

How are you celebrating Veteran's Day?

Gratefuls 11/10/2011

2011-11-10T18:15:00.000-06:00

Gratefuls are a way for me to stop and remember what I am thankful for each work. I think it helps me to remember and to focus on the positive in life. Because we all have a tendency to focus on the negative sometimes.

So, I am grateful for....

...my daughter's questions and too much talking because that means she's smart and alive and wants to spend time with me.See how I put a positive spin on things? Just call this the mommy spin zone!

...that whenever I am feeling down, my husband knows how to make me feel better and is always willing to be silly with me.

...Bliss' walking around and needing to be chased. Because she is using her little legs and I it took her so long to figure it out. Or it seemed to, since I am a paranoid mommy.

...Grandpa, we would not be able to survive without him.

..-Peanut, because despite all the bullshit she deals with all the time she is still loving and hopeful and happy.

...Friends who are more then happy to help and bring pizza and diet dp over when you need it.

...a renewed concern for my weight and health. I have never been this committed to moving myself and getting healthy in my life.

What are you grateful for this week?

How To Tell If Your Relationship is Doomed-RemembeRED

2011-11-08T15:49:00.000-06:00

You would think it wouldn't take long to tell when a relationship may be doomed. But you would surprise even yourself how long it takes. I think all of us have ignored the signs. The little ones, but also the really big ones. We all make excuses for the other person and rationalize the bad things away.

So in the interest of saving some people a lot of time and trouble here's my list of ways to tell if the relationship is doomed. These have all happened to me or some of my friends. Like I said, you'd be surprised what you can choose to be blind to.

-He buys his ex-wife a Valentine's day gift, but nothing for you.

-They are still married.

-She buys you a movie that you despise. And expects you to be thrilled about it.

-When you tell him you're pregnant he asks if it is his or not.

-They say any variation of.."You know you'd be so pretty/handsome if you only lost weight."

-They abuse you, emotionally or physically.

-When confronted with something crappy they have done, they act like you are a crazy bitch and have no reason to be mad.

-They insist on you paying for a trip to Las Vegas, but they want to go with another dude, not you, and when you call you can hear his voice in the background. In her room. That you paid for.

-They belittle you in front of other people.

-They absolutely never take your side.

-They say "If you really love me you'd.....etc, etc."

-They make sex a condition for love/affection/anything

-And last but not least, they get millions of dollars to broadcast your wedding on national television and then break up with you through twitter.

I know there are a hundred other ways to tell. Did I miss anything? How did you tell when one of your relationships was doomed?

Fuzz, Stretching and Dead Bodies.

2011-11-07T01:00:00.000-06:00

Have you heard "The Fuzz Speech"? I saw it about a year ago and it was one of those revelations that you just have to tell everyone about. You know how when you wake up and feel stiff? Then when you stretch out and move a little, you feel better? That's the fuzz. (or Fascia if you want to get all medical on me.)

Fuzz is little fibers that build up between your muscles as you sleep or when you don't use them. When you stretch you melt those fibers away making the muscles move easier and slide together like they are supposed to. If you are hurt or a stiff person in general the fuzz can build up to the point where they twist together and create muscle stiffness and maybe pain. If you let it go too long you may need a professional to help you start moving more again.

So the moral of this story is to get moving. Stretch, play, dance, whatever. Just move your body in dynamic ways. For the good of your muscles, break up that fuzz.

Here's the official Fuzz Speech. A couple things about this video though. First off, he uses a real cadaver to illustrate the fuzz and muscle movement, so if your squeamish don't watch it. Also, I was really surprised how much a human body looks like animal meat. If your on the fence about whether or not to become vegetarian, it might tip you over. I am not even close to being vegetarian but it does make me a little sick to the stomach to be honest. But the video is really worth watching. I promise.

What do you think? Did it make you want to stretch?

Food For Thought-Short and Sweet

2011-11-06T02:37:00.003-06:00

I am finally over my stomach virus! I am so excited. But it looks like Peanut might be getting it. I guess it will run through the whole house. Get it, run through? Man, poop jokes never get old. It's day light savings time, so the clocks go back at 2 am. Which means instead of my usual ten hour shift, I get to work 11. But luckily that means I get to spend more time hunting down great Internet links for you guys. So I hope you enjoy!

Snape in front of the Mirror of Erised

The very best jack o' lanterns ever! Next to the one my girls made obviously.

I love when celebrities show up on Sesame Street. I link this is the best lullaby ever.

Occupy Tatooine. Best protest ever!

What have you guys seen or heard this week? Leave it in the comments for me.

Remember, Remember...

2011-11-05T06:31:00.000-05:00

Happy Guy Fawkes Day! Let's go burn shit to celebrate. We'll be watching V for Vendetta and seeing the Old Bailey get blown up. Good times.

What are you guys doing this weekend?

At 8PM In Our World-Red Writing Hood

2011-11-04T03:14:00.000-05:00

The bed shifts as she pulls one knee up to flip around. She never just rolls over, she always flops over. Making the bed shake and the pillows to sail off the side of the bed. She doesn't know how to be small. Although in stature she is very much so. Her feet kick the blankets off and what seems like minutes later she yanks them back up and curls them underneath her. She is a bundle of matchstick arms and legs, only her tangled head of dark hair pokes out above it. She doesn't stay this way for long, for someone so small she ends up taking over the bed, her spiny knees and elbows used like a mercenary, to push her way out. She is all angles, and everything is akimbo. Her feet dig into my lower back and her hands land on my face. She snores and she grinds her teeth. A one little girl army of sleepless nights.

Then she flops over once more. Suddenly she is all softness and she curls up against my back. I can feel her breathing and her fierce little heartbeat. As though there is a cord connecting us, when she is too far away my heart beats irregular, my breathing shallow. When she is against me, a warm beautiful tousled little girl, I am able to breathe easier, calm easier, sleep easier. I sigh and wrap my arms around her knowing that she will not do this forever. Too soon my heart will beat irregularly without her as she ventures out into life without me. But for now we sleep, and snore and grind our teeth. Perfectly content at bedtime, at 8 PM in our world.

What is 8pm in your world?

Gratefuls

2011-11-03T15:47:00.000-05:00

I was watching a documentary on Mormons and every evening they do a thing called "Gratefuls" where everyone goes around and says what they are grateful for. It ranged from the big to small, from macaroni and cheese to good health. We used to do the same thing when I was a camp counselor. So I'm reviving it. To help me remember that I have a lot to be grateful for.

I am grateful for: having insurance so I don't hesitate to take my babies to the doctor, having a job where I get paid vacation., amazing co workers who understand when your sick and may not be 100%.

..my children, even when they are driving me crazy. My husband because he is amazing and loves me no matter what. My little family that we have created. Good friends who come trick or treating with us.

..great loot on Halloween, cheese pizza, sleep, getting over being sick, a heater working now, great friends who are certified to fix our heater and only charges us a case of beer to do it.

What are you guys grateful for?

Nothing's Wrong-PYHO

2011-11-02T16:48:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get so tired of hearing "Nothing." I know some thing's wrong. When someone acts strange or irritated I can tell. Especially if they are someone I know very well. I ask over and over again what is wrong. And they insist nothing and act like I am crazy for asking. Sometimes we even have fights over "nothing" being wrong.

"Maybe there really isn't anything wrong and you are over reacting." You say.

That may be the case a few times. But there have been enough times where they insisted that they were fine until we were both blue in the face, only to find out later (usually during an argument) that something was in fact wrong. Why didn't you tell me when I asked!?

It drives me crazy for two reasons. First of all I feel insulted. I know them well enough to know when something is wrong. I can tell by their tight lipped silence, the drop of their shoulders, audible sighs and unaccustomed silence. You think I don't know you very well? Well I do!

Secondly I worry that if I just stop asking they will think I don't care. Maybe that's just a girl thing. I want someone to ask me what's wrong and when they don't I get my feelings hurt even further. So I feel like, as a loved one, it is my job to find out what's wrong. How can I fix it if you don't tell me what the problem is?

I have started something new. I ask what's wrong. After the first nothing, I calmly point out why I am asking. I say "Well, by your slamming of the door and muttering to yourself while doing the dishes it makes me feel like something might be wrong. If you want we can talk about it, but if you don't then let me know when you are ready." And I drop it. Or I try too. It doesn't always work because like I said, I feel like I have to know what's wrong right then and there. So I don't always follow my own advice.

As you may have guessed I am talking about my husband. Who 99% of the time is phenomenal and makes me incredibly happy. I just thought we needed a little disclaimer. And as another disclaimer, sometimes there really is nothing wrong and I needle him about what's wrong until I have created something wrong. Sometimes.

What do you need to pour your hear out about today?

The Healing Powers of Gatorade and Vitamin C-RemembeRED

2011-11-01T15:33:00.000-05:00

My grandma was the first person to cook with me. To let me help and to let me taste test as we went along. And as a little kid, the very best part was licking the bowl. Somehow that spatula tasted even better then the finished product. And while these memories are near and dear to my heart, they are not the one that sticks out the most.

Both my parents worked. So when I was sick and had to stay home from school Grandma was my caretaker. She would let me lay on the couch and watch whatever TV show I wanted. Usually Nickelodeon. She would grumble about how silly the shows were, but not too much. She would read to me from my favorite books. I remember how cool and dry her small wrinkly hands were on my forehead to check for fevers. She could make me feel better by her presence alone. I would be disappointed when my parents came for me, much preferring to be babied and spoiled by Grandma.

My grandma's recipe for wellness was not chicken soup or crusty bread. Her recipe for wellness was Gatorade and vitamin C pills. She would force me to eat vitamin C when I wasn't sick, swearing it was the reason why she herself never got sick. And maybe there is something to it, she's still alive and kicking and her doctor says she has the health of a someone half her age. I never liked Gatorade, she always got the lemon kind, it's watery ghost of a flavor did not appeal to my sugary kids palate. But she would insist. And always was convinced that was how I got better.

My daughter was sick this week. Some sort of stomach virus. We were worried about her becoming dehydrated due to her continuous bouts of throwing up and diarrhea. (oh yeah we had a fun weekend) When the doctor suggested we buy Gatorade, so she could keep something down and stay hydrated, I was immediately flooded with memories of my grandma and dark cool afternoons spent in her living room partaking in her cure for everything. Gatorade and vitamin C.

What "recipes" do you remember the most?

How To Discover Your Style With Pinterest

2011-10-31T03:37:00.000-05:00

So, it may sound silly to hear that you need help with finding your style. You may say to yourself. "I know what I like, how could I not know what my own style is?" And you may be right. But if you're anything like me it's hard to see what you like all together and see if it works. Or some people struggle with knowing what is truly their style versus what is trendy right now. Trust me, if left to my own devices my house would like a furniture catalog threw up in my living room, or I wouldn't do anything and it would look like a frat house, with a mattress on the floor.

There is a trick that professional designers use to help them know what your decorating personality is. They'll have you pick out, say, five pieces of furniture from a store or magazine. And they can usually catch a trend emerging and come up with a design plan based on it.

But I can't afford a designer. And I'm assuming you can't either. So, we are going to use Pinterest.

First off create a board for the room you are trying to decorate. I actually have a board for every room, including the laundry room and outside. And then start pinning. The most important thing is to not edit yourself. Obviously I am not going to be getting a wrap around porch or a spiral staircase at my house anytime soon, but I still pin them. Because I adore the idea of them. So just pin whatever catches your eye.

Then, after a while of pinning you will start to see patterns emerge. You'll notice you always pick a certain color, or pattern, or style. There may be a few anomalies like a giant fuzzy purple armchair a la Prince, but for the most part it will all start making sense. For example according to my bedroom board I should be living in Genie's bottle. Lots of jewel tones, soft pillows and draping fabrics.I haven't asked my husband how he feels about it, but too bad for him.

Now you are ready to decorate. Using Pinterest you can give yourself a guide to what you will really love and be more confident in your decision making. I'm sure we won't be redecorating once a year,so choosing a style that really works for you is important.

And of course while your pinning, you can look up new recipes to cook in your new kitchen, or DIY projects for your new sewing room. I have to warn you, as awesome as it is, Pinterest can definitely be a time suck. But a thoroughly enjoyable one at least. And when your family asks what you've done all day, you can say "Redecorating. Obviously!"

What do you use Pinterest for? You can follow me here.

This Is Not True, I Promise-PYHO

2011-10-26T14:00:00.001-05:00

This story is not real. It does not have any truth in reality. No matter how closely it resembles my life, it is all fiction. I swear, and you will never get me to say otherwise.

Say there's a kid. Let's call her.....Walnut. She has had a difficult life. Her mother (remember this is totally fictional) is more interested in men or being depressed with a bottle of wine then hanging out with Walnut. She doesn't realize that the window of time where kids love their parents unconditionally is rapidly closing and she is running out of time. She has told her ex-husband. "When do I come first? It's always about Walnut."

Because of this neglect at home, Walnuts social skills aren't as good as most kids her age. She has a huge problem with negative attention seeking. When asked about these problems, her mom just shrugs, wide eyed and acts like she has no idea what's wrong. There have been whispers of autism and aspergers. But her dad and step mom know that a lot of it is her home life.

Walnut is failing because her mom doesn't help her with her homework or check to make sure it's done. I should mention that Walnut is only eight. The only time her homework gets done is when she is at her dad's.

Walnut is made fun of a lot. See above, about the lack of social skills. Despite that she is sent to school with too small of clothes on, two different pairs of shoes, and/or dirty hair. One day when it was finally cold in the fictitious town of Austinoia. Walnut was sent to school in shorts, a giant parka jacket, and sneakers with no socks. Like she is being set up as a target.

So her Dad does what he can to combat it, documenting and talking to her teachers. Whether it's his weekend or not, he takes her home. Where they try and catch up on her homework and she gets to soak up, Daddy, step-mommy and sisterly love as much as she can handle. We, I mean, this fictional family try to combat the negative influence of her mother. And hope that it is enough, for now.

What's a story that you need to tell?

Trick Or Treat-RemembeRED

2011-10-25T15:50:00.000-05:00

His voice muffled by a skull mask Christopher says the requisite "Trick or Treat." The people at the door ways coo and aww at him and his sister dressed as a princess. He adds one more thing. "Can I have more for my cousin? She doesn't know how to trick or treat." He holds out his bag expectantly. Frowning, they start to say no. Their incredulous face clearly saying "Who does this greedy kid think he's fooling?" Until they see the tiny spider toddling up the sidewalk. Her spider arms flapping from her side as she struggles to catch up to her cousins. Distracted by the shiny lights, she had veered off and was wandering around aimlessy in the yard. Finally she was herded back on to the sidewalk so her cousin could make sure she got some candy too.

The next year she had it down pat. Holding out her bag and shouting the words. Her bag bulged with all kinds of candy. This time she didn't need any ones help. "Trick or treat" would be followed by the thunk of small chocolates, lollipops and one lame house who handed out raisins with religious flyers taped to it. Mommy ate the raisins. Without being prompted a quick "Thank you." was uttered after every handful. Manners were so important to her that she would wait, arms akimbo for the candy dropper to say "You're welcome." Some people would oblige and remark on her cuteness. When she didn't hear a you're welcome she would complain loudly as we ushered her onto the next house. "Mommy! They're supposed to say You're Welcome!"

"I know baby, but maybe the next house will. Can I steal one of your snickers?"

What are your favorite Halloween memories?

Food For Thought Needs A New Name.

2011-10-23T03:58:00.003-05:00

I'm excited about my new look. Still working on some tweaks here and there. Like what should I call this? Something owly or nighty? Any suggestions?

We went and got Halloween costumes today. We have a pikachu, a fuzzy unicorn and a puppy. Please make sure you stock the good candy, no apples or granola bars Thankyouverymuch.

I am working on my health. Eating better, working out more (or just moving more) and drinking lots of water. I have to pee every five minutes.

My week has been good, how was yours?

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.

— Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator

This trailer looks awesome and creepy.

For all you people freaking out about the little facebook stream in your sidebar and posted for people to click the little grey box because you "don't want other people seeing what you post." I have news for you, not matter how private you make it, if you put it on the Internet, someone will be able to see it. And even when you log out of facebook your movements are still being recorded. So deal with it or get off line.

Advice for young girls, or old girls like me.

He asked for Photoshop help and to be fair, he got some.

No no no no. So much cuteness.

This is basically what I hear when Rick Perry talks.

This is about what constitutes blogging success..money? followers? comments? But really I think it pertains to success and goals in general.

Ah-freaking-dorable Star Wars tote bag.

What Harry Potter taught us. The Lily and James one got me all teary eyed.

If you don't hear the glaring sarcasm in this video, then you're kind of an asshat.

Join the pledge to Stop Bullying.

I have always wondered why Columbus Day is a national holiday, but there isn't a day for Hispanics or indigenous people. Check this out and reconsider Columbus Day.

October is OCD awareness, read my friend Kelli's post about her friend who struggles with OCD everyday.

The Miss Representation trailer. I want to watch his with my girls.

Adorable Halloween costumes. Ewok and Sad but still adorable Bunny!

What have you guys seen or written this week? Share it in the comments please.

Moxie. Do You Have it?

2011-10-22T01:18:00.001-05:00

Can you handle the unbelievable cuteness of MadeByMoxie? I didn't think so.

What's the cutest thing you've seen lately?

The Two Scariest Texts-Red Writing Hood

2011-10-21T05:03:00.000-05:00

"I've met someone else and it made me realize I never really loved you. I was fooling myself for the sake of the kids. Already moved my stuff out while you were at work. Divorce papers are on the kitchen table. Just sign them."

"At the ER. She fell and now she's not responding. Doctor's say things look bad. They say you should hurry up and get here to say goodbye."

Welcome to my anxiety dreams.

What's the scariest text you have ever received?

Step-mothers Get A Bad Rap-PYHO

2011-10-19T17:57:00.000-05:00

Step mothers get a bad rap. We're evil, wicked, vain and hugely threatened by young pretty princesses. But I maintain that people just don't understand the step mother. It's a harder job then people realize. I think stepmother's don't get enough credit. Note: I am not condoning poisoned apples or convincing my husband to leave them in the woods because they eat too much. Unless they are really bad. You understand.

I've been a step mom for five years. It's a constant balancing act of being a parent but not stepping on any toes. It's being a part of her life, but not having any control over her life. It's loving her fiercely, wiping her tears, cleaning her snotty nose, praising her efforts and making her laugh. In short all the things a parent does for their children. But not being the parent. I have no legal right to her. If Robert should die, I could never see her again. On a lesser dire note, if I don't think she should do something like stay at home alone at eight years old. I don't get to make that decision and have no leg to stand on.

I can only be here for her when she is in my home. Try and make sure she has a good female role model, that she's getting the love and attention and discipline that she needs. I can send her back to school and to her other home and hope that our lessons here have stuck. And that she doesn't forget that this is her home too.

I never refer to Peanut as my stepdaughter because I feel like it makes her less somehow. As though she is extra, "just" my stepdaughter. I refer to her as my daughter. Not because I am trying to replace her mom, but because she is part of our family and a daughter I am raising, just like my other two. I prefer to think of it as she gets more love, more motherly love then the average kid. She gets two of us.

I hope as she gets older she sees it that way and never resents me. But I am holding my breath for the day that I hear "You can't tell me what to do! You're not even my mom!" But I will treat it just like when my other daughters say a different version of that. Express sympathy, explain why I have these rules and then ground the heck out of them. All three of them.

Which fairy tale step-mother do you think is scariest?

Early Mornings-RemembeRED

2011-10-18T13:34:00.000-05:00

Counting my footsteps as they pound across the pavement.

Remembering to land flat footed, not heel first.

Deep gulps of cold air burn my throat.

Breathing out, the air is visible.

Laughing, because pretend smoking in the cold never gets old.

Urging myself to go faster, because I am so close to the end.

Running against the wind, makes my ears heart and my nose run.

Feeling the heat of exertion, a layer under the fall winds.

The sun will burn all this away by noon.

The weather will only be a memory and it will be summer again in Texas.

Running early mornings brings me hope that soon Autumn will be here.

As brief as it is, Autumn soothes me and gives me that undefinable sense of home and contentment.

What is your favorite season?

Breath Has Been Taken

2011-10-15T06:56:00.000-05:00

A Permanent Reminder-Write on Edge

2011-10-14T04:22:00.001-05:00

I don't believe in tattoo removal. I think that a tattoo is a part of your story. It tells what kind of person you were at that moment in your life. It reminds you of good times and sometimes not so good times. You may be a different person now, but you were the person who got that tattoo at one time too. Erasing the ink doesn't change the past.

Say you loved someone so deeply that you wanted their name tattooed on your rear end, but then you broke up. As awkward as the conversation might be with your next mate,that doesn't change the love you had for someone. You can't forget that kind of love. Maybe it will remind you not to be so rash in the future, or to be careful who you give your heart too. That's an important part of why you are you today. By the way I highly discourage name tattoos, unless they are your children or dead relatives.

Say you were eighteen, a silly young girl and got a butterfly with a tribal design on your lower back. While wholly unoriginal, it is still yours. You at one time were a silly 18 year old girl and who wouldn't want to remember the fun of that?

I have a tattoo that is supposed to say "human" in arabic. I thought the concept of us all being human sounded super deep. And I liked the lettering. But it turns out that the tattoo artist was an idiot and traced it backwards, so now I have arabic gibberish on my leg. I actually had a stranger who spoke arabic laugh himself silly at my expense. But I won't change it. It reminds me of being married the first time and all the many mistakes that came with that. It reminds me of living in Virginia. It reminds me not to spend money you don't have on things like tattoos. It also reminds me to only get tattoos from someone you trust.

Permanent lessons learned with permanent reminders. I have five tattoos and plan on many more. If we had more money, my husband and I would be covered. It's funny, I was so scared to tell my dad about my first one, and now it's rare if someone doesn't have any. I imagine that our children will go in the opposite direction and claim that our body art is embarrassing and ask us to wear long sleeves. But I won't because I am proud of my decisions, even the bad ones. They have shaped me. Not to mention, it's my right as a parent to embarrass my children.

So don't remove it. You will still have a scar, wouldn't you rather have an inked one?

Do you have any tattoos? What is the meaning behind them?

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be A Ballerina

2011-10-13T16:54:00.000-05:00

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The Some Days-PYHO

2011-10-12T15:25:00.001-05:00

I have a serious case of the Some Days today.

Not the some days, as in "Some day I will be rich, or Some day I will be thin."

But the Some Days as in:

Some Days I just don't give a shit

Some Days I can't seem to wake up.

Some Days I don't want to clean or do laundry.

Some Days I really don't want to exercise.

Some Days I can't imagine thinking of anything to write at all, much less something people want to read.

Some Days I want to lay on the couch and watch Law and Order all day.

Some Days I want my food groups to consist of fat, sugar and red food dye.

Some Days suck. They're not as bad as the Mean Reds. I'm not sad or unhappy. I just don't want to do anything. Except nap, eat ding dongs and wear out our Netflix subscription.

I had the Some Days yesterday too. Hopefully this doesn't turn into Some Weeks.

How do you get out of the Some Days funk?

Fear of Failure

2011-10-11T08:46:00.000-05:00

With a foggy brain and a time limit I open a new post document. Wrapping my hands around the warm cup, I attempt to wrap my mind around what I should be writing. Hoping I can think of something before I hear the first muffled sounds of the baby waking up. I type, I erase. I have writer's block. Blogger's block. It can be easily traced to one thing. Fear. I fear letting my emotions out on the page, I fear the opinions of others, most of all I fear my own opinion. I am my harshest critic.

I admit only to myself, my dreams. To be a writer. I know that I write, but am I a writer? I am not published, I write about myself and I write on just a blog. Should I even take myself seriously?

I have no idea what I am going to write. I do know that I have to write. Not because it's a blog and I have a schedule. Not because today is the day of the link up. But because I have to. If I don't, all the words in my head make me crazy. What I write may not be good, it may not be funny or poignant. Still, I have to put pen to paper. Tips of fingers to the keys. Hopefully something worth while will come out of it.

Stephen King said “The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better.” I am tired of being in the scariest moment. The hesitant moment before you give yourself completely to something. I am stepping over. I am beginning. I am a writer. And now, so says King, things should get better.

Why are you scared to start?

Dog Eared and Broken Spines

2011-10-08T00:01:00.002-05:00

Have you seen the Kindle "Friends" Ads. The one where the guy convinces the book snobby girl to switch to a Kindle. All her arguments refuted? Damn those commercials are convincing. I am that book snobby girl. I carry around a giant purse just for books. And I was totally against e-readers. At first.

Books and reading have been a focal point of my life. I learned to read at an early age. Some of my very fondest memories are my Grandma reading me the same story over and over again. It was about a kid who had a raccoon as a pet. I would get in trouble for reading in school, when the other students had to be bribed just to finish a page. I am known for how very quickly I can consume a book. My husband knows not to talk to me when I am reading because I won't hear him at all.

In short, books are ingrained in me and always will be. My dream job would be a librarian. I love the smell of new bookstores and used book stores. There used to be a Half Price in town that was a maze of books, towers that threatened to topple over you if you breathed too hard on it. You couldn't find anything, but I loved it. I love when someone has left something in a used book, a ticket stub bookmark, post card or notes in the margin. It gives the book history. I am not allowed to go into a bookstore with a debit card, because I will walk out wondering how we will pay the mortgage this month. I just really love books.

E-readers don't smell musty, and I probably won't find any ticket stubs inside my kindle. But I still want one. I feel like a betrayer. I am terrified that they are going to make publishing books obsolete. I can't imagine a world without dog eared pages and broken spines.

I'm not saying I won't ever buy one. But I'll never give up my books or stop buying them. I want floor to cieling book shelves to house them all. I look back and realize that my ex-husband and his family, didn't own any books. I should have known then and run away.

So while there are still bookstores, I will be in them. Even if I have to keep them alive by sheer force of will. I will be curled up in the corner soaking up the smell and the stories. And I may or may not have an e-reader tucked away somewhere.

What do you think of the e-readers?

The Quiet At 3AM

2011-10-07T03:55:00.000-05:00

Only once the music stops do I realize how loud it was. The silence is soothing, broken by the occasional request from a sleepy child and the clack of the keyboard. The light is bright to keep the darkness and sleepiness at bay.

I glance at the clock seeing that it is 3am. I do my mental countdown, I have six more hours.

The wind buffets at the door, and if I have forgotten to lock it, it will push it open, the soft snick of it behind me and the beep of the alarm never fail to make me yelp and clutch my chest. I hold my breath and look around embarrassed although I know no one was there to see me. Sprinklers click on and rhythmically spray the windows next to me, drumming loudly on each pass over.

I wrap a borrowed ragged blanket around me and wish for the hundredth time that I hadn't forgotten my sweater. When the sprinklers are off I will go stand outside to warm up and to wake up. I start the coffee to prepare myself for the 5AM lethargy attack. Sometimes just the smell of the beans and hiss of the steam are enough to perk me up. Sometimes I can't drink enough caffeine to keep me alert and I sit dazed staring blankly at the buzzing computer screen. The silence pressing in, not oppressive, just there and oddly loud. I start the music again and choose something dancy and poppish. I need to wake up.

How would you keep yourself awake all night?

Who's The Boss. You Decide.

2011-10-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

I need your help. I have been having a pretty much daily argument. The outcome of which could change the entire dynamic of our household. Not to mention my basic sense of self. No pressure, but this is a big fucking deal. You have to help us decide because we are at an impasse.

The argument raging through our house is about who is the boss. Who is really in charge around here? There's tears and screaming and sometimes hitting. I'm not going to lie, but I am really worried. I think I might just have to give up soon.

I don't want to name any names, I'd like an unbiased opinion from you guys without being influenced by who is who.

First person contends that they are bigger, pay more bills, and sacrificed a lot, physically and mentally, to make sure this person is even alive now. Good points right? This sounds like a stable base to side with. But try not to make a decision until you hear the second person's well thought out counter points.

The second person responds with a high pitched scream that can seem endless. They contend in no uncertain terms, "No!" and "Mine!" When all this fails, they resort to pathetically crying and looking as sad and miserable as possible, as thought the first person has ended the entire world for them.

How can you argue with that? I do have to point out that the second person loses points by hitting the first person and that's when the argument usually ends. But we never come to any conclusions. And for that I need your judgments.

Who do you think is the boss?

I Could Be Angry-PYHO

2011-10-05T11:17:00.001-05:00

I am so tired of being angry. It's not doing me any good. It's not only causing me stress mentally, but physically. It strains my most important relationships, my husband and my daughters.

So I've decided to stop being angry.

There are a lot of people in my life I could be angry at. I can name five or six people off the top of my head I could call and let them have it. But what good would it do?

There's a woman who I can not get out of my life, who is sad and pathetic. That's not what makes me angry, it's her carelessness with the one person who loves her unconditionally. Her kid. I am angry about it, I can't just stop. I can make sure that we are giving this kid the love and attention they deserve as much as possible, and counteract the neglect they receive at their mother's hands. That's better then being angry.

There's another one, who has repeatedly said hateful, unfounded things about me to my husband. And although he has told her to stop and she has (mostly) I am still angry that she thought it was okay to spew that vile about me when she barely knows me. We have spent maybe an hour together all told. When I do see her she acts like we are the best of friends and it is so hard for me not to punch her. To say "You think my husband didn't let me read what you wrote about me? You think I don't know?" What I've chosen to do is act polite and civil. Because I am a grown up who knows better and I am the example I set for my children.

There are others. Trust me. I would love a good rant about every single one, but I'd rather just let it go. The anger is corrosive and I want it out. I don't want to tuck it away in the dark to rise up again, when someone hurts me. Instead I am reminding myself that I am tired of being angry about the same things that I can't control. I can control whether they affect me or not. Although, I can't get rid of all my anger, because I may need it for extreme mother bear situations.

But I will control it. And maybe sneakily hope for some bad karma to come their way. Because I am still human.

What do you do when you're angry?

Come Tell Me What You Think

2011-10-04T09:53:00.000-05:00

Let me be clear. I am over the cupcake theme. I am not over eating cupcakes. I am always happy to eat cupcakes. Just don't want there to be any confusion about that. I love eating cupcakes.

But the theme, not so much. I decided to re-make the blog. The inspiration is from me working nights and that is usually when I am able to blog. So I present you "Sweetbutterbliss, the night owl mommy."

I did everything myself using Picnik and a website called "Makin' Cute Blogs" Please go visit her because she rocks my socks off.

Also open up me up out of your reader. Give me some feedback. I still have a few tweaks so any critique would be welcome. Thank you in advance.

So what do you think?

Food For Thought-Lots of Youtube, Cosplay and Vinegar Soaked Cotton Balls.

2011-10-02T04:11:00.004-05:00

This week. Sweet Pea went to a friend's birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and absolutely refused to go near the stage with the giant robots or near the guy in the rat costume. I honestly can't blame her, that shit is creepy. I met some moms and didn't offend them or find them incredibly annoying. Yet. Peanut joined the Marathon Kids, a program designed to have them "run" a marathon over the course of a couple of months. She's super duper excited about it. Bliss has started saying "Mommy." She thinks it's synonymous with "give me." She points at stuff and says "Mommy? Mommy?" What does this say about my parenting? It's cooling down here. Thank god. I discovered that I suffer from anxiety. I always knew this, just didn't know it's name. I also get strange stress pains due to it. Good times. Hopefully you'll like all the links I gathered, or you might stress me out and give me a heart attack. You wouldn't want that on your hands now would you?

But how was your week?

Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable. For sketch writers, remember they’re called sketches for a reason. They’re not called oil paintings. Some of them are going to stink. You have to let them stink. -Tina Fey

Pregnancy crisis centers are terrible, shady places. Read how easy and traumatizing it is to confuse them with an abortion center.

Calming the baby beast. So cute!

Where the hell is Matt? This is kind of old. But it still makes me furiously happy.

I wish I was this graceful. He's like water flowing.

Teachers can punish your special needs child by making them hold vinegar soaked cotton balls in their mouth. And it's not illegal!

Seriously you should go ahead and follow these guys already.

This cosplay one made me laugh. And this cosplay with zombies and roller coasters made me jealous, I want to be a zombie.

What have you guys seen this week? Leave it in the comments.

The Business of A Birth Plan

2011-10-01T03:55:00.000-05:00

Recently I watched The Business Of Being Born. It's a documentary (streaming on Netflix) from Ricki Lake. It's purpose is to expose the birthing industry and their questionable practices. It contends that hospitals and doctors are in the business of making money. Hospitals want you in and out as fast as possible and doctors want to make the most money with the least work.

The producers paint the obstetrician industry in a very unfavorable light. Their goal, it seems, is for you to have your baby medication free and preferably at home. It goes into a lot of fascinating detail about what drugs do to you and how you are being manipulated into choosing the path the doctors want you too. It's an eye opener and I recommend anyone with children or wanting to have them watch it with their significant other.

It got me thinking about my pregnancies. I felt very bullied during my first one. The doctor treated me like an idiot and was very rude. When we found out my blood pressure was high, he broke the news by saying "Your baby might die." I had chosen a vaginal delivery with pain killers. I have no interest in pushing a person out of my vagina without pain killers. I am in awe of the woman who do choose that path. They are warrior woman. But it's just not for me. I ended up needing an emergency c-section due to my blood pressure, diabetes and her umbilical cord not feeding her properly.

My second time I chose a c-section. (Judge Away.) I was given a bill for the birth and paid it. After I had Bliss they sent me another bill saying the bill I paid before was for a vaginal delivery and the c-sections cost more. Why wasn't I charged this up front, when they knew I had chosen a c-section? I felt like they deliberately blindsided me. I had a myriad of doctors, the majority of which again treated me like I was stupid. I felt like a small child and dreaded my appointments. I had to bring my husband because they wouldn't be as rude to me when he was there.

I don't plan on getting pregnant again, but if I did I would put my foot down more often and demand to get my way. After all I am paying them for a service. I should get what I need and want from them. Being high risk I'd still have to go the hospital route and being a whiny baby I would still go the pain killers route as well. But what I got from the documentary was that you are in control and there are a number of options to choose from. Do your research and decided on your ideal birth plan. You can't rebirth your kid, so speak up and make sure you get what you want right then. Don't forget that a birth plan can be blown out the window sometimes due to unforeseen circumstances. But don't let anyone bully you into doing something different just because that's what they want.

If you have kids, how did your birth plan go? If you don't, how do you plan on having kids?

Between a rock, inlaws, a pregnancy and a hard place.

2011-09-30T05:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I tell Robert that I picked the hardest situation to jump into. I met him and we hit it off immediately. We had a first dates where we couldn't stop talking to each other and didn't want the date to end. After that we were mostly inseparable. But it wasn't easy.

We were both just out of divorces. I never had to see my ex again, but he had a 2 year old with his. He had an ex, a toddler and was still reeling from nasty and sneaky divorce proceedings. He also had his mom and dad living with him, because his father couldn't work due to a myriad of health problems. And three months into our courtship I got pregnant.

So to recap, I got a new little kid in my life, a complete stranger that would come to dictate some of it, both of our very real and heavy insecurities from failed marriages, live in in-laws and my first baby.

Nothing like taking the hard road. But it's okay, because you know what I got in return? An amazing stepdaughter to love, learning to overcome obstacles, new found belief in myself, a live in loving supportive new family and my first beautiful little girl. (and later another beautiful little girl)

And most importantly I got the best thing in my whole world, my husband. He is my strength, my best friend, my heart, my other half. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

How did you meet your significant other?

Things I Love Thursday-The Pinterest Edition

2011-09-29T11:03:00.000-05:00

I love pinterest. It's like my new google. I get 98% of my blog images from it. I get DIY projects and even recipes. It's basically my coping skill. They updated their format and so I have spent the morning playing with it and thought I could share some of my morning pins. You can follow me here.

My fan club is very small.

I introduced Pea to hot tea with cream and sugar and she flipped for it.

It's so true!

I really want to make these.

What are you loving this Thursday?

A Crappy Parent-PYHO

2011-09-28T10:30:00.000-05:00

Please god, let this be a phase. My five year old is a whiner. But only at home. She's an angel at school. But she gets home and she wants everything. Now. But she knows we have a routine and we don't do things just because she insists. So she whines, and whines and it escalates into a giant temper tantrum.

I use a calm voice. I give her options. I put her in her room and explain that she can whine in there because the rest of the family doesn't need to hear it. She eventually calms down, she apologizes, we say how much me love each other, we do a few yoga breaths and all is good. For about five minutes.

I don't know what to do. We have never been the type of parent who gives into that type of behavior. So why all of a sudden does she think that will work? Because it doesn't. Sometimes after an entire day of whining and tantrums, I lose it. Yesterday I probably picked her up to hard to put her in the room, and at the end of the night I got in her face and screamed "STOP!" All it did was make her cry harder and me feel like the crappiest person on earth. I am at a loss. I know it's a valid parenting technique to disengage and ignore. But I think whoever invented it was more concerned about the parents sanity then teaching the kids a lesson. I am a full supporter of that.

Sweet Pea's personality is stubborn and obstinate. I know that we will always have to battle against that part of her. But that's okay, I just want her to stop whining. So please, god let this be a phase. I can't imagine her like this as a teenager.

She is our sensitive and high strung one, yelling and telling us what she wants when she wants us. Peanut is our repressive one, who we have to wheedle out anything that might be wrong. I told my 20 month old Bliss last night. "Please can you just be in between?" She told me no. Sigh.

What do you do about whining?

Pick Your Theme Song

2011-09-27T08:35:00.001-05:00

I believe everyone should have a theme song. A song that plays in your head when you walk into a room. And most importantly, a song you can listen to when you are feeling low or anxious. Lyrics that remind you how kick ass you are.

I don't think your theme song needs to be totally accurate, because then mine would be called "Pudgy Anxious and Impatient." That is not going to cheer me up when I need it. You should pick a song that embodies who you want to be in your secret heart. I have a surly friend who is over 6 feet and his theme song is "Walking On Sunshine." He says he imagines himself bouncing into the room on his heels. And that's what works for him.

I discovered mine by accident on a play list my husband made. It makes me feel bad ass and ready to dance. It's "I'm A Punkrocker." By the TeddyBears featuring Iggy Pop.

See me drivin down the street,

I'm bored with looking good.

I got both hands off the wheel,

The cops are coming.

I'm listening to the music with no fear,

You can hear it too if your sincere...

Coz I'm a punk rocker yes I am.

Well I'm a punk rocker yes I am.

I'm listening to the music with no fear,

You can hear it too if your sincere...

Coz I'm a punk rocker yes I am.

Well I'm a punk rocker yes I am.

See it's perfect! I put it on and remind myself that I'm a punk rocker, yes I am. So people shouldn't mess with me. It works for me.

What works for you? What's your theme song?

I Totally Did and Have

2011-09-26T05:23:00.000-05:00

How To Stop Being An Abuser

2011-09-24T02:40:00.000-05:00

This picture breaks my fucking heart. It reminds me that verbal abuse can be just as damaging, and sometimes more, as physical abuse. If you are being abused, you can get help here.

People who abuse don't always realize that's what they are doing. Some just can't control themselves, due to addiction, impulse control, mental problems, etc. And some just don't care. And if you don't care there isn't anything I can say to change your mind, so go jump off a fucking cliff asshat.

If you suspect you are an abuser, you can stop the cycle of abuse. First of all know what abuse is. Abuse is at it's core when someone is mistreating or misusing someone else. (or something) You are violating the standard of treatment that is acceptable. Whether it be with words or blows.

Stop rationalizing that it's okay. It's not. And it never will be. Abuse of anyone is unacceptable, there are no excuses for it. The end.

Get professional help, for impulse control, mental problems or substance abuse. Fix what's wrong with you immediately.

You can have normal relationships, but you have to fix yourself. You can't make excuses and you can't blame anyone else. If you think you are abusing someone, please please stop and get help. Stay away from that person until you are sober, or have been deemed safe by a mental health professional.

It would have made me a different person if some of the people in my life had gotten help. The effects of abuse follow a person for the rest of their life. Please get help and if you know someone who is abusive, speak up, intervene, get them and their victim help. Don't think it's none of your business, because it will be when someone is dead.

Tell me your story. Have you been abused or were an abuser? How did you get help?

Want Ad for a Better Me-Red Writing Hood

2011-09-23T06:55:00.000-05:00

Wanted. A better me. Must be non-smoking and clean. My current me has to move out due to unforeseen circumstances. We just weren't a good fit. Do not apply unless you meet the following criteria.

New me must be patient, have excellent anger management skills and be very selfless. New me must enjoy exercises and not make excuses. New me must also enjoy cleaning and be an organizational wiz. New me must not like crappy daytime TV and does not get irritated at constantly watching children's shows. New me uses the Internet for a decent amount of time and doesn't ignore the laundry to spend even more time on it. New me should think it is the very height of entertainment to clean poop out of the tub and to answer the 85,000th "why" question of the day. New me will never have a headache or be too tired and only want to cuddle. New me should have shinier hair and a smaller tummy. New me will join the PTA and participate at more school functions. New me will not be snarky about other mothers when at said functions. New me will love vegetables and be deathly allergic to chocolate and diet dr. peppers. New me will not pick pointless fights with Old me's husband just because she is grumpy. These are non-negotiable.

If you think you are a good fit to be my new me contact me at newleaf@wantads.com. Please only serious inquiries.

What kind of want ad would you write?

Be All That You Can Be-RemembeRED

2011-09-20T00:01:00.001-05:00

I could feel the hot pavement through my heavy boots as we were rushed into formation. I stumbled from hot concrete to hot slippery sand. In a panic, I righted myself and straightened up. My vision was obscured by my cover, I could only see the back of my battles neck. The sun highlighting sand dusted through her hair. More sand was kicked up as the next formation was hustled in.

Spittle flew as a red faced sergeant got in my face, yelling insults and commands. His words obscured by memory. A fly buzzed next to my ear, I clenched my fist and stomach to keep myself from waving it away.

An order came for the "front lean and rest position." I dropped to my knees spitting out the grains and preparing for push ups. Lowering my body, my arms trembled and almost slid out from underneath me. My face burned red from the exertion to stay straight, to not drop. My main goal was not to draw attention to myself. Mocking voices rang out, as black boots stomped past us. My prayers were in vain, when a pair stopped next to me. I didn't dare look around, keeping my eyes focused on the ground. I could smell the starch and boot oil he was so close. He called to his fellow sergeants to assist in his mocking of my push up form. The other soldiers around me breathed audible sighs of relief as the legs moved on to their next victim.

I felt tears building behind my eyes as we were commanded up and to "forward march." Our lines were clumsy and our marches not in step. The sergeant assigned to our rag tag group sing songed marches about penguins and tiny bubbles. He chanted which foot was next. His voice rose up at the end of each word, we repeated back to him and gradually got in step with each other. Our voices ring out in to the hot air, our feet drumming across the road. In the distant I could hear other platoons, with different versions of the same chants. Although it felt better to be doing what I was supposed to and not being yelled at, I couldn't get my own chant out of my head.

Your leFT, Your leFT

leFT, rigHT, Your leFT,

What the fuck have I gotten inTO?

Why did I sign up for thIS?

Your leFT, Your leFT.......

On and on, not just that first day but pretty much the entire boot camp experience.

What's your worst "what the f* have I gotten into" moment?

How To Avoid The Dark Side And Pay It Forward.

2011-09-19T06:11:00.001-05:00

I'm sure you have all heard of the devastating wildfires in my neck of the woods. Batrops is about 45 minutes from where I live. It has affected our entire community. Even in the middle of people rocking out at ACL they have set up a wildfire relief fund. In two days a giant warehouse was so packed with donations, they had to stop accepting them, assuring people that they now had more then enough.

The latest estimate is that the fire is 80% contained. It also rained today. Only for an hour, but I can only imagine the beleaguered fire fighters and exhausted victims standing outside with their faces upturned. The relief it must have been to feel cool water on their faces and know that their desperate please for rain had been answered.

When Kelly at Writing (and Dancing) with Chaos wrote about her Avoiding the Dark Side and Paying Forward Challenge. I immediately thought of the fire victims.

My children have 80 gazillion toys. I'm sure that anyone else with kids has the exact same problem. The toy chest overflowing with unused toys and the floor cluttered with the few they actually use. It drives me crazy. So yesterday we went through all the girls toys. I told them what they wanted to keep had to fit in two toy chests between them. They were surprisingly excited about it and we only made a few edits. "No, you cannot keep your headless drawn on doll that you forgot you even had." That kind of thing.

I explained to them that not everybody is lucky enough to have so many toys, and that some little kids had lost all their toys in the fire. They helped me bag everything up and we dropped it off at our local donation center. I'm sure tomorrow I will hear things like "But where is my headless drawn on doll that I forgot that I even had!?" But hopefully I can remind them why we were giving up some of their toys and point out all the ones they still have. (Note: That doll got put in the trash, not donated)

I am also going to work on avoiding the dark side and giving my love out. If I get angry at someone I am going to hug them instead. And remind myself that most people aren't malicious and may just be having a crappy day. I will hug my babies and remember that we don't have that much time until they hate me and think I ruined their life. Now is the time to enjoy their unconditional love.

Please go and join Kelly's link up and let us know how you will Avoid the Dark Side and Pay it Forward.

Food For Thought-The end of DADT, lady etiquette and how not to do the damn laundry.

2011-09-18T04:46:00.108-05:00

Peanut is still struggling in school. They have a psychologist observing her. I'm glad the school is all about helping her. We're lucky to have their support. Other then that life has been mostly uneventful. Luckily. How was your week?

“Shatter my heart so new room can be created for a limitless love.”
— Sufi prayer

This is kind of old, but still inspiring. Flawz.

Can zombies stay kosher?

The Blogess told us how much she loves us a while back. But I just got the message, she has such a cute voice and I love her heatfeltness.

I am so ridiculously excited about this movie!

This movie, The Darkest Hour, looks a little stale and seen before, but I love apocalyptic movies so I'm still interested.

Peanut is OBSESSED with Pokemon. She would freak out over this shirt.

3 minutes inside the head of a two year old. Oh so true.

Zombies and Pin up art. Love!

20 Places to get your personal essays published.

Fostering a transgender child. Great story, can't wait for the rest.

The end of DADT! I saw this clip of a soldier coming out to his dad, and bawled like a little baby.

Try to accept your past, it's all you can do.

Geeky wedding bands. I think the girl could wear the Hans one though.

This is so true. You are not helping!

Sometimes we forget the people who died on 9/11, this post about one father honoring his daughter had me in full breakdown tear mode.

Seriously, the best manifesto I've ever read. Simple and to the point. What kind of tree are you? Can I be a marshmallow tree? I think that's ok.

I so want these. But slippers always make my feet feel too sweaty. Maybe I will just get them for decorations.

Have you guys seen or written anything awesome? Share them in the comments please.

Food For Thought-Super heroes, punkrockers and cute babies.

2011-09-17T05:09:00.003-05:00

It hasn't been a great week. I've been down and grumpy. But it's a new day and I have made a decision to make it completely new. I'm tired of feeling this way and I am ready (so ready) for a change. Hopefully you have had a better week, if you haven't then I has internetz to cheer you up. Oh hai, internetz!

If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books in their house, don’t sleep with them. I think that’s very important.
— John Waters

Another Firefly t-shirt, and this one is super shiny.

Oh so true. You are unbreakable.

I got a little TED crazy this week. I love TED, it makes me feel scholarly. Here's a talk about reading the Koran. And another about how to fix our jacked up legal system. And one last one about leading after 9/11.

A teen used her life savings to open an orphanage in Nepal. I love that her parents trusted her enough to just send it all to her.

I love what Gala Darling does with her self love series and now she has a manifesto. She also shared her wedding story and obviously I don't know her or her "Dish" but by the pictures and video you can tell how much they love each other. With all the impersonal, alter-egoyness of the Internet it's nice to see such genuine love and happiness.

Did you ever wonder how the Nielsen ratings works? Let these puppets explain it to you.

How can you say no to the coffee table of the gods?

These people lifted a car off a man and saved his life. What did you do today?

Matt Damon defends teachers.

Star Wars stands up for cancer.

Under the Mask tries to get into superhero's head, with pyscological evaluations.

I love this song. Maybe because I am a punkrocker.

Wow, this kid's parents are serious about halloween.

Have you guys seen anything good this week? Share them in the comments.

Aesopian

2011-09-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.: -Aesop, The Lion and the Mouse

How Not To Break Up With Someone-Red Writing Hood

2011-09-16T04:55:00.000-05:00

I had left the chat window open all night. But I didn't hear the ding.

The new message waited for me, the screen blinking to let me know someone had tried to contact me. I could never keep the time difference in Kuwait and Virginia straight. But he must have known I wouldn't be awake and would miss what he had to tell me.

At first I was pleased to see a message from him. Until I read it. I had to read it more then once to understand it. Cheating? No, I wasn't cheating on him. What the fuck was going on? My heart was in my throat. I replied to the message, hoping in vain that he was still there. He said someone had seen me in Wal-mart with some guy. I racked my brain. The only person I spent any time with was my friend Kelly. Very obviously a woman. Someone had to be lying. But who would do that?

His last message was the worst though. After the accusations, he declared on an instant message that he wanted a divorce. How could he send that through a fucking message? No chance to defend myself or get some clarification.

I was furious. But underneath it I was relieved. I could feel the tension leaving me and the permanent knot in my stomach untangling itself. I knew that wasn't a normal reaction. It made me stop and think what I really wanted. We hadn't been happy for a long time. I admitted to myself that our relationship was unhealthy, involving verbal and occasionally physical abuse. I didn't want to do it anymore if I was honest with myself.

The one thing I was absolutely sure of is, I did not want to be married to a coward who would demand a divorce over an instant message. Its not like I came to these conclusions immediately. I spent lots of time eating chocolate and painkillers in bed.

It turns out he accused me of cheating because he himself was cheating and needed an excuse. His cowardliness was a keynote in our divorce proceedings. He had his mommy deal with the divorce and refused to speak to me. I am still amazed that I knew him for so long and had no idea what kind of pathetic human being he was.

But he did me a favor. I believe the bad and the good experiences lead us to places we're supposed to be. And my path after my divorce led me to my true soul mate and life partner. That made the whole thing worth it.

What do you think is the worst way to break up with someone?

Things I Love Thursday-Growing little girls, homework and baking!

2011-09-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

Things I Love Thursday is a chance for us to remember what we love and what we are grateful for, invented by the always amazing Gala Darling.

As always, my family, husband and beautiful girls ♥ loyal good friends ♥ good movies like Thor ♥ my husband making me laugh hysterically ♥ making my husband laugh hysterically ♥ finding out what's up with Peanut and making a plan to deal with it ♥ the amazing support from you guys ♥ holding Bliss's hand when she walks ♥ Carrying Sweet Pea to bed after she passed out during a movie ♥ Making Peanut laugh ♥ Being comfortable and easily happy with Robert ♥ pretty much watching Bliss do everything, watching her figure stuff out is endlessly fascinating ♥ doing homework with Pea and Peanut ♥ making banana bread today because we have some way ripe bananas to use ♥

Sometimes my list is the same. Sometimes my week is pretty boring and I can't think of much to say and sometimes my week is all bad and its even harder to find something to say. But I think those are the weeks that are the most important to remember what I love and what I am grateful for. When I have to hunt for it and dredge it up. Even if it's just my family, it's important to remember what we have and what makes things worth living. So TILT isn't always something new and different, but it helps me bring more positivity in my life. And I hope it can do the same for you.

So what are you grateful for and what do you love this week? Let me know in the comments.

My Child Is Being Bullied-PYHO

2011-09-14T08:41:00.000-05:00

Peanut is being bullied. There's a kid at her school who has targeted her and has gathered the other children at school to join in. They follow her around and say she's ugly and fat and that nobody likes her. My heart breaks for her.

We didn't know, but we suspected. Peanut has always been a little weird. And we've celebrated it. Her social skills are not great either. She doesn't understand personal space and she'll randomly start barking like a dog in the grocery store. Maybe we failed her. But she's an amazing, kind, smart, funny, beautiful little girl. But I guess mean little third graders can't see that.

She's been acting out in school. She refuses to do certain activities, when the teacher tries to tell her something she hides under her desk or starts rolling around on the ground. We were baffled because we've never seen that behavior. She just doesn't act like that at our house, at all. She has finally told us that it's because she doesn't want to be there. She'd rather sit in the office then be in her classroom with those kids.

I'm glad she told us. I'm glad she trusts us enough to open up. Everything I've read says that is key to making sure your kid doesn't take the kind of drastic measures we hear about on the news. That they can talk to you.

We've told her that acting like that will make it worse. We told her that she needs to stick up for herself, tell them to stop, and then tell the teacher right away. We are going to make sure that she feels safe to be herself at home at least. We've told her that it gets better, and that those people don't matter in the long run.

But it's hard for her to hear that when she's being hurt now. We feel helpless, but we're not. We have an appointment with her teacher on Friday. And at home we can keep giving her love and helping her learn from this. Not to be consumed by it. And we will document everything, just in case. But it's hard not to go up there and want to punch that kids parents, or whoever is teaching him that behavior, in the face. Repeatedly.

What would you do about your kid bullying or being a bully?

How the Internet Turned Me Into a Criminal-Remembe(red)

2011-09-13T08:49:00.000-05:00

I was a complete loser in middle school. I didn't have friends and when I wasn't being made fun of I was being ignored. My only other friends were the other losers. Friendships formed from scarcity and shared hardship more then mutual interests. Basically it sucked. A lot.

When we got the Internet at home I discovered that their were other people out there like me. When I think about chat rooms now, I laugh at the geekiness and assume only 40 yr old men who live with their mother use those things now a days. But I did. I frequented many different rooms and had a different person for every one. I lied. I could be a 20 something college student if I wanted to be. I could be a 40 yr old man living with my mother. For a kid who hated being me, the Internet offered a way to reinvent myself. To be whoever I wanted to be. And it was addicting.

First I stayed up all night. Then I started skipping school. I skipped weeks of school. And when I did go to school I was just wishing I was home online and would skip out at lunch or earlier. I would get the mail before my dad and throw away the letters they sent home.

Eventually I was found out. I spent a week in ISS (in school suspension) and quite a bit longer locked off the computer. When I was able to get back on. The shine was gone. I wasn't as enamored now that I realized there were consequences, I guess.

I do believe the Internet helped me to realize who I really was. I was able to find people who had the same interests as me. That made me more confident in my everyday life, I didn't feel as weird or out of place. I started to make friends in real life based on favorite bands or books. So although the Internet made me a criminal. It also helped me survive middle school and helped shaped me into the person I am now.

What's your earliest Internet memory?

Hey, How's It Going?

2011-09-12T15:50:00.000-05:00

Victims of 9/11 Still Dying

2011-09-11T07:40:00.000-05:00

It's been ten years. Every single person can tell you down to the minute where they were and what they were doing the day of 9/11. I've written about it before. On that day hundreds of New York's finest thought they were saving people. And they did. For months afterward they thought they were sifting through ruble and dust to find the victims and give some families closure. And hopefully they did. What they didn't know was that they were becoming victims as they worked tirelessly in clouds of toxic gas, asbestos, mercury and benzene. All known carcinogens.

Its been ten years and people are still dying because of 9/11.They are suffering from respiratory illnesses, PTSD, depression and cancers. There is a 70% illness rate amongst 9/11 first responders. They have a 19% higher chance of developing cancer, then their colleagues who didn't work the WTC site. The number of NYPD officers that have died of cancer has more then doubled the number of officers who died at the buildings. These numbers are too big and too scary to ignore. In December of 2010 our politicians held up a bill that would provide health care for them. The Zadroga Bill is named after a responder who died of a respiratory illness attributed to 9/11.

They finally did pass the bill, with concessions of course. First of all to qualify for health care they have to first have be screened to make sure they aren't terrorists. Are you fucking kidding me? If that isn't enough of a slap in the face, it doesn't even cover cancer. Oh but wait it does cover carpel tunnel. Gee thanks.

I can't understand why we would laud them as heroes, make movies about them, use them in political campaigns but just abandon them when they need the help. They all rushed without thought towards two collapsing buildings and stayed at extreme risk to themselves. But we're just going to let them flounder and die in thanks.

It makes me simultaneously furious and tearful. This sight explains a few ways that we can help and you can go here to contact your representative and demand they do something about it. Very few people are listening to the first responders. And soon they may run out of the breath and life to fight anymore. So speak for them and make people listen to you. Please.

How are you still being affected by 9/11 ten years late

This Has Been In My Head

2011-09-10T05:48:00.000-05:00

I think its a good reminder. Sometimes we just have to let go.

What song has been in your head lately?

Warning: Cute overload.

2011-09-09T05:06:00.000-05:00

What's cuter then these guys? Oh yeah. My kids. I like to take pictures of my kids and use picnik to edit it in my own amateur fashion. So to track how much they've changed I created a blog. Ch-Ch-Changes. So if your bored but want to look at my adorable offspring then head on over.

What's the cutest thing you've seen lately?

And on an unrelated note. For my blogger users what do you think of the new interface? So far, not a fan.

Things I Love Thursday

2011-09-08T12:18:00.000-05:00

Things I Love Thursday was invented by the always sparkly Gala Darling. Its just a way for us to remind ourselves what we are grateful for. I've been sick this week so I could really use a reminder.

♥ my family, always. ♥ that I will soon not be sick! ♥ a good job that provides decent insurance ♥ the fires are starting to be contained and all we got over here was the smoke ♥ LO:SVU marathons ♥ Hanging on the couch with my hubs ♥ eating better and feeling good ♥ making brownies for a friends birthday today ♥ meeting Pea's teacher and little friends ♥ Peanut getting really excited about a kids 5k ♥ watching Bliss figure things out, like answering the phone, running away from me and climbing ♥ One Tree Hill ♥ Necessary Roughness ♥ Top Chef: Just Desserts ♥ All of you, of course ♥ my fantastic beautiful sweet husband ♥

What are you grateful for today?

Hungry-PYHO

2011-09-07T08:08:00.000-05:00

I don't have a lot to pour my heart out about today. Its probably because I am too hungry.

I should stop watching the Food Network.

Because, I am on a diet. I loathe that word.The definition is "the foods eaten, as by a particular person or group." So technically we are all on diets. Even if its the "fried chicken smothered in chocolate cake and washed down with coke" diet. It's still a diet. Technically.

I think you have to change your lifestyle, not try to diet for a couple of weeks. You lose 50 lbs and get off the diet and gain it all back again. But I have been struggling with changing my lifestyle. So I am hoping the diet can give me a nudge, or a running start push I need.

I have been on a lot of diets. The most successful one was the Divorce Diet. You lay around in your bed, cry a lot, get mad a lot, eat only chocolate and soda and take painkillers to sleep. I lost 30 lbs in one month!

Others I've tried were less successful. I did the cabbage soup diet which gave me the worst smelly farts. Come to think of it so did being vegan. The thought of grapefruit juice still makes me want to throw up after doing the mayo clinic diet in college. I did the Atkins AND South Beach diet. I ate a lot of hot wings. So tasty. I even tried the paleo diet, which did not make me feel like a caveman.

I just want to eat healthy and tasty food. I am an omnivore, so I don't want just meat or just vegetables. I want to be able to eat ice cream every once in a while. Basically I want to change my lifestyle, not be on a diet forever. Hopefully this time I can accomplish it.

What's the silliest diet you've tried?

RemembeRED-Childhood

2011-09-06T08:12:00.001-05:00

I miss my childhood. It was far from idyllic, but I still miss it.

I think I realized I was truly an adult about six years ago. I had already been in the army and gone through an ugly divorce but it was a cat that brought it all home for me. I had taken over my cousin's room in Austin while he went to Hollywood to chase his dreams. He asked me to take care of his cat, Guinevere. She was a haughty grey outside cat. You could only pet her when she wanted you too. She was also pretty old.

I worked nights then too. When I came home one morning my other roommate presented me with a dead Guinevere. My first thought was that my cousin was going to kill me! I thought the least I could do was bury it for him. I had never buried a pet before.

When I was a kid we lived out in the country, so we had lots of animals. And when one died, my dad would take care of it before I got home then tell me that the dog or cat had gone to heaven. I never had to deal with the mechanics of it.

I realized that day that I couldn't have my daddy do things for me. I had to bury my own pets now.

I was an adult.

As for Guinevere we gave her a non-denominational service and marked her resting place. My cousin was understandably upset. He was also upset because apparently Guinevere was catholic and we didn't give her a catholic service.

I guess another part of being an adult is knowing that you'll never make everybody happy, no matter your best intentions.

When do you realize you were an adult?

Happy Labor ....er.... Fire Day

2011-09-05T08:13:00.000-05:00

So while the east coast floods, central Texas is burning. A wall of flames is creeping, no running across the dry grass. The fire fighters hoped to stop it at hwy 71 but the flames were so high that it leaped over the highway and continued on its way. They are evacuating families and pets. A hesitant proclamation that it will take a couple of days still to control this fire. Other fires spring out of nothing miles from the original blaze.

So far our house is safe, but we have our shoes and my purse right by the front door. Just in case. I hope that no one else is effected by flood or fire and is enjoying their labor day. But I think we could use a few prayers if you have any to spare.

Have a happy Labor Day and stay safe please.