I Asked My Husband What His Idea Of A Perfect Date Was..

"I like going on walks with you, on city sidewalks where music pours out of the doors of everywhere we pass. We can duck into any place on the road, be it for a slice of pizza or a cupcake with a ridiculous amount of icing on it.

I like finding our way back to the car, holding hands along the way and finding a moment to appreciate each other before we jump in and head to our next stop for some coffee. We talk, about everything and nothing, we smile and look unabashedly into each others eyes. I am witty and charming, and as always, you are beautiful, alluring, the light dancing in your eyes each time you laugh.

We head out, our bellies filled with coffee and our hearts with mirth,    looking for somewhere quiet where we can watch the lights or the stars. Sitting next to each other, we enjoy the sounds of the city, talk softer, allowing our closeness to keep us warm. Our kisses in between filling any silences we have, our bodies a little warmer than they were before.

We stop by a movie store on the way home and pick up something that just came out and something old, but wind up ignoring both of them as we enjoy our evening’s final closeness without any care except of each other.

He is just full of amazing.

What's your idea of a perfect date?

I Have Six Weeks

I had a diabetes appointment on Valentine's day. It was not good. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

He thinks my neck pain and shortness of breathe is probably anxiety. That's better then a heart attack but now I get to be anxious about being anxious. I am a fucking mess, seriously. 

My A1C was 11.6 (it should be around 5 or 6) and my bad cholesterol was 147 (it should be around 75.) See? A fucking mess. 

I go back in six weeks. I'll be watching what I eat and moving my chubby body around more. That sounds like I'll just be flinging it around willy nilly. And maybe I will. I'm truly not interested in losing weight. I'm just now starting to dig me as I am. But I want those numbers down! That, in my opinion, is a better goal then fitting into skinny jeans. 

My goals are to be around for my babies as long as I can, to not have to die a slow painful death, to not have to amputate anything, and to not go blind. You know just the regular garden variety life goals. Wish me luck, I have six weeks. 

What are some of your goals?

Eating Your Feelings-Red Writing Hood

I know I shouldn't. I will probably regret it later. But the sweet lure of the bacon calls to me.  I have had a truly awful day.  One of those days where you feel like tears are brimming at the surface and are threatening to spill over at any moment. And let's be honest food tastes better when your eating it and crying. It's just basic tastebud science. Just like when you eat the entire tub of ice cream alone, those calories don't actually count. Like I said, basic tastebud science. 

Comfort food is what I need. The perfect BLT. I slather mayonaise onto soft white bread. The really processed kind that squashes in my hands, wonder bread. Now is not the time for whole grains! I like limp bacon, so that the little rubbery edges are like taste bombs oozing with salty pork fat. I honestly could take or leave the tomatoes. Mostly I leave them. And I detest lettuce on sandwiches. It's just a barrier between the mayo and the bacon. And they really should be together, comingling. A match made in heaven. Especially since I put obscene amounts of mayo on the bread. The lettuce would just get soggy and no one wants soggy lettuce. And since I didn't add tomatoes or lettuce I have to add extra bacon to make up for it. Right? 

Right. 

I eat it standing up in front of the microwave with my eyes closed. So good. My perfect BLT. Or really just a B, I guess. I am sad to see it go as I pop the last bite into my mouth. I chew as I clear away the evidence and vow tomorrow will be all salads. Healthy salads..with bacon...and maybe ranch dressing.

What's your perfect comfort food?

She's Got Bette Davis Eyes

"I have been uncompromising, peppery, intractable, tactless, volatile and at times disagreeable..I suppose I am larger then life. -Bette Davis

The Links That Kept Me Awake All Night

Oh man! It has been a long time since I got to do this. And that sucks because this is one of my favorite things to do. Explore the internet and then share it all with you. My littlest monster turned 2 last week, the pediatrician said she may be 5'9. She is going to tower over me. We had a successful party without me turning into an anxious mess and that is a huge success in itself. Enough about me, on to the interwebs, enjoy!

 Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

I have professed my immense love for the Muppet's. I also really dig OK Go. And here's both of them doing the themes song.

You know how the media freaked out over a police officer pepper spraying a bunch of peaceful protesters? Have you ever noticed that the media freaks out when it's a bunch of white people who get pepper sprayed? Yeah me too. And this woman has a lot to say about it.

Importance advice: How to handle a fart in yoga.

The "secrets" to how reality TV is made.

Shit Austinites say. 

End Islamophobia

I don't watch a lot of sitcoms, mostly because of the way they portray couples and their marriages. Why do all tv couples hate each other?

My favorite Etta James song. RIP.

Lovecraft monster rugs!

Shit New Age Girls Say.

Adipositivy = Fat positive.

A life sized Tardis? Yes please!

There are ice cream trucks in the New York Harbor, and lots of other creepy things. 

Every Doctor Who story in just ten minutes.

People were in an uproar about this woman doing yoga in her underwear. But it doesn't look any different then some yoga outfits I've seen. And can we please concentrate on how beautiful and flowing she is instead?

 Would people notice if you died? I hope so.

This woman does this lesson about racism every year. Some of the things that she said kind of blew my mind. Watch it please.

Obama blasts politicians who boo a gay soldier. Rightfully so.

Underground Weather tells you about the weather right where you are. Right now it's 42.5 degrees. And it's supposed to rain.

Use this to figure out what to make for dinner.

What have you guys seen or heard or read or even written yourself online this week? Share in the comments so I can check it out.

Self Acceptance

I have lately been submerging myself in the body acceptance and self acceptance movement. 

But I guess I haven't really been paying attention. Oh I've been accepting my body much better then ever before. The other day I found myself telling my husband how nice I thought my boobs are. He obviously agreed. So the BODY acceptance part has seen some progress. 

The self acceptance part is a little harder. 

I was wallowing the other day in what a worthless person I am. A crappy mom, friend and wife. Just really self pitying the heck out of myself. Reliving shitty things I've said and done, reliving shitty things other people have said and done to me.  And then I was like "I am so TIRED of doing this." Exhausted, fatigued even. I made some mistakes and I accept that at times in my life I haven't been the best me I could. And yeah there are jerks in my life who have made me doubt myself. But I am so bored of letting it define me.

I am moving on. I will not beat myself up anymore. I won't tuck away all the hateful words just so I can pull them out later and mull over them pathetically. I am going to accept me. The good and bad, and look towards the future. I will keep working on loving my body, but I am going to work just as hard on loving me. 

Because let's face it, I am pretty fucking fantastic.

What do you need to move on from?

A Diagnosis-PYHO

This is my Peanut. Before I even met her. She's technically my step daughter. But she's still my Peanut. My daughter.

When she was little she use to hug complete strangers and tell them that she loved them. We had to have the stranger danger talk with her A LOT.  She doesn't make friends easily because she doesn't understand how to play different games. She insists on playing her own games, full of pretending and being different characters.

She is OBSESSED with Pokemon. She isolates and has trouble focusing. And recently she's been doing incredibly strange things at school. Growling at the teacher, hiding under her desk, and other things.

Any of you parents who are parenting an autistic child probably know what I am going to say.

She has Aspergers. 

I have had to calm down her hysterical (and mostly useless) mother. No ,she is not broken, no, there is nothing wrong with her, no, we don't need a second opinion and no, a private school will not fix her either. 

To be honest I am relieved. Now we know. And now we can move on and start helping her. Helping her understand the world around her. Not letting her wander through trying to figure out what she can not understand. Because she is still my Peanut. No matter what.

What do you need to pour your heart out about?