Perhaps Not.

"Perhaps they are not stars. 

but rather opening in heaven

where the love of our lost ones

pours through and shines down upon 

us to let us know they are happy.

-Eskimo Proverb

Weekly List of Links That Keep Me Awake

This week has been hectic. Two sick kids, driving all over creation to Peanut's daycare, and getting lost twice on the way there, and work of course. We went to see the Christmas tree lighting at the Capitol. It was beautiful and very Xmasy. Except for the two extraordinarily whiny kids I had with me. Who's kids were those? I have no idea, not mine certainly. Yesterday was Peanut's 9th birthday! Stop growing damn it. Normally I'd post this on Sunday, but since it's Christmas I thought you guys could use the internet to escape from your family for a minute. Here's some of the links that have kept me awake all week.

And here's the weeks link that helped me stay awake all night. Enjoy!

Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead.

— Scottish Proverb

The very best recipe for making cookies I have ever seen.

Galadarlings 100 Ways to Start Loving Yourself. I think I am going to work through all 100.

I want the Walking Dead chucks so bad! Do you think Santa will come through? Also he should bring me this cone of shame shirt.

I always liked Jane better then Daria. I would love to have done this cosplay!

Cocktails based on the Harry Potter characters. I'm not a big drinker, but I'm down for this.

Wow, apparently George Orwell knew his shit.

Rad Harry Potter fan art.

What do you think a 4-8 year old thinks the meaning of love is? Some of these answers are dead on to me.

So obviously Veteran's Day is way behind us..or way ahead of us depending on your perspective, but the troop can use our help every single day. Here's 11 ways you can! And here's 8 more ways to help people.

Love Actually is not just one of my favorite holiday movies, but one of my all time favorites. But it's not perfect and I had to agree with a lot of Hate, Actually.

 This statue is so intense. I could look at it all day.

An artist took hundreds of tourist photos of popular destinations and layered them. They look like eerie watercolors. Almost ghost like. Very cool idea.

This is super adorable. In a menacing dark side kind of way.

I worry so much about my kids having a complex about food and their bodies. This post made me cry a little bit, but also reminded me to speak up! And that hot chocolate with whipped cream can cure anything.

What have you guys seen or written this week? Leave it in the comments for me!

1 of 100 Ways to Start Loving Myself Right Now

I suffer from frequent bouts of low self-esteem. Just like everyone in the whole wide world. And sometimes I need something to cheer me up and remind me why I should love myself. Because I AM pretty awesome if I stop to think about it.

I stumbled on to Gala Darling and her Radical Self Love campaign a long time ago. If you're looking for inspiration on being yourself and loving yourself, her site is everything you could ask for.  She has a list of 100 ways you can start loving yourself right now. And since I could use a little radical self love any day, and I'm sure you guys can too, I'm embarking on a 100 step journey.  Feel free to join me.

♥ Make lists of reasons why you love yourself.

" We’re so quick to believe people when they say nasty, unkind or “brutally honest” (ahem, cruel) things to or about us, & we discard all the times we’re told how amazing, beautiful or intelligent we are. Usually this is because our sense of self-doubt is stronger than our self-love."

It's so true! I still remember mean things high school boyfriends have said to me, but I dismiss it when my husband compliments me. How silly! So here's my list of things I think rock about me.

I am...

-a generous person

-a good cook

-smart

-funny

-sexy

-sarcastic (I consider that a good thing)

-beautiful

-a really fast reader

-a good friend

-great listener

I think I have great eyes and I love my big swinging hips. I also love my c-section scar from both my babies. 

And I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. Jealous? As you should be.

It's not long, but it works for me. What are a few things you love about yourself?

Amaranthine

Amaranthine

Holding My Breath-Red Writing Hood

3, 2, 1. 

It was the longest two minutes of my life. I sat on the edge of the bathtub hutched over the two tiny screens. As a sexual active person I have taken my fair share of pregnancy tests. And they always came out negative. Every single time. So would this one.

I had twisted my body and awkwardly peed on the stick successfully not peeing on my hands. That was a good sign already. I was a little concerned that the plus sign showed up almost immediately. But it would fade out to be replace by two solid lines in each window. No worries. 

After two minutes had passed it still had a fucking plus sign. I re-read the instructions hoping that plus sign meant, "It's a plus that you aren't knocked up!" But no, it meant "It's a plus that you know who the baby daddy is!" Luckily it comes with two tests. I tried again. 

Stupid fucking plus sign. Maybe it was defective? I considered having my male room mate pee on one, just to test it out, but I had to accept facts. I was pregnant. I was pregnant with the guy I had been dating for two months. Awesome! He was going to hate me. I just knew it. 

That was six years ago and we have the best little family to show for it. And he doesn't hate me. Sometimes he finds me incredibly frustrating, but who can blame him.  And now if I have to take another pregnancy test I know, they aren't always negative. Sometimes you get a plus sign, and that plus sign could mean anything. To me it ended up meaning  "It's a plus that you get to be a mommy and eventually a wife."

Have you ever been in a situation that seemed bad, but ended up being the best?

Oh the clingy!-PYHO

I adore my children. I love being a mother more then any thing else. It's the most important thing I do. 

But sometimes...

I just want to be left alone. I don't want to listen, I don't want them hanging on me. Some days I will give them pretty much anything to get them to be quiet and leave me alone. 

On these days they eat ice cream, watch cartoons and play video games all day. I try very hard not to snap at them or yell. And to keep the peace and my sanity. Seconds on ice cream it is, then.

I feel guilty and I try and remember that all too soon they won't want to hang out with me. I make an extra super mommy effort the next day. But some days I really just need some quiet.

How do you handle it when you want to be left alone?

Cleaning House-RemembeRED

I read his email. His rant, his spew of word carefully chosen to manipulate me, to make me feel guilty. It was  incredibly long, but I read every word. The expected response was to cry and beg his forgiveness, to promise anything and some how I would end up being the bad guy and him the wronged one. A track of emotional abuse that I had been running for almost a year. And I was having trouble keeping up.

Because this time, I didn't feel guilty or the need to grovel. I was empty. I replied to his email, the one that I knew he had agonized over picking the exact words to push my buttons. I replied just one word. 

"Ok"

No arguments or apologies. I felt light. For the first time I felt like I could move on. I had washed my hands of him. Immediately the phone rang off the hook. He knew that  he was losing me.  He would apologize, charm, and promise until I gave in. But the track would keep going around and my body and heart were tired of running. 

I calmly hit the answer button and scrubbed my life clean of him. I was cleaning house and when I was done there would be no trace of him. He would be dust in a pan and I would move on without looking back.

How have you had to "clean house" in your life?

Happy Belated Blogiversary to Me!

On November 30 my blog turned 2. And it's already going through the terrible two stages! I'll try and reign it back in and get it back on task. I promise. 

Meanwhile, tell me your favorite birthday memory in the comments!