She Just Seems Bigger-PYHO

Although her backpack is way too big for her tiny shoulders. 

Although she is so skinny the doctor has given us Duocal to fatten her up.

Although Mommy forgot to change the light setting on her camera.

Although its only been a week and a half since she started Kindergarten,

She just seems bigger. 

And its killing me. I am proud of her and happy that she is growing, but can't she just stay little for longer? Please?

What problem is worrying you today?

How I Feel About...

Invitations to the Spotify Party

When I was in high school my Dad totally put Napster on our computer, I still have mix CDs from then. Some of them could be titled "I'm so Angsty I Wear Black Lipstick" or  "Nobody Understands Me So I Shaved Half My Head" or "My Life Is Actually Pretty Privileged But Since I'm a Teenager I Act Like It's Terrible."

Not the catchiest titles but you get the idea. 

And then of course as you know Justin Timberlake got sued and then danced a lot to Trent Reznor's score and got drunk with David Fincher. Or something like that. 

And then Lars Ulrich, who doesn't have enough money, started suing little old ladys for downloading Enter Sandman. So Napster imploded. 

But now we have a new option. Spotify. Spotify is a streaming music service that works with the artists so you can't get in trouble. You can share music and playlists. You can even take it with you on your mobile. But sadly as of right now it is invitation only. You know, so they can make it seem fancy and elite. 

And who do you know more fancy and more elite then me? Its a rhetorical question okay!! Rude. 

I've got five. Five invitations for you. So if you haven't already been invited and want some free music, drop me a comment. Then we can trade playlists. For example "I Am An Old Lady Mom Who Likes to Pretend I'm a Hipster." or "Music That I Listen to While Pretending to Work But Actually I'm Blogging." 

What are you going to name your first playlist?

Food For Thought-The Parent Fail Edition

I had a horrible scare today. Thinking about it still makes me feel tense and nervous. I found Pea laying in her bed sobbing and talking to herself. And her dresser was on the floor. She said it had fallen on her and for a moment I thought she wasn't able to move her legs, that's why she was just laying there and hadn't come and got me. I made her get up and she was fine. Whoosh. She insists that she wasn't messing with the dresser, it just magically fell. Well now it has been nailed to the wall with an L bracket and she has a scratch and a bruise. And hopefully she won't try anything like that again. 

I hate when your littles almost get hurt and you can't stop freaking out about what could have happened. When she was a baby the ceiling fan just fell out of the ceiling out of nowhere. She wasn't underneath it, but I still catch my breath when I think about how she could have been! 

Scary right? So to cheer myself up and distract my mind. Here's some links for you and me!

He who strikes terror into others is himself in continual fear.-Claudian

She may be a Power Ranger Mommy now, but once she was a little girl who got bullied.

I just recently watched this and I love, love the clothes. Even the awful ones. Every outfit Cher wore in Clueless in 60 seconds.

When Celebrities Were Young. Clint Eastwood was a hottie!

The Bloggess makes diabetes funny and inevitably offends some sensitive asshats. Also have you guys seen her intense tiny haunted dollhouse?

Learning how to start a movement from a silly dancer. More important then being the leader is being the first follower.

I think its super cute when couples wear coordinating Halloween costumes. I think I found Robert and my Halloween costume. 

Please do not touch the puppy. Thank you.

Have you guys written or seen anything interesting or funny or sad this week?

Relax Dude, They Won't Run Out Of Frosties.

I like fast food. We don't eat it often but occasionally I enjoy me a greasy assembly line hamburger. But apparently some people like it a little more then others. Maybe all those theories about eating too much meat causing aggression in people has some merit.

I had called in sick and I wasn't even sick. My pregnant belly was rumbly for something unhealthy so I decided to go to Wendy's. I love their spicy chicken sandwich. I wasn't really supposed to be spending money on food, so that wrapped up with calling in gave my little foray a tinge of guilty pleasure.

I pulled into the lot, the line was wrapped all the around the building. I decided that I could wait. As I sat there jamming out to something atrocious on the radio. I noticed another car pull into the opposite side of the lot. And he tried to cut in line. What!? Do not get in between a pregnant lady and her deep fried chicken patty. I refused to let him in. I assumed being a civilized human being he would just get behind me since I was the last one in line.

This was not an acceptable option for him. He tried to ram my car! I am not kidding, he jerked forward but stopped at the last minute. I could not believe this guy. I probably should have just let him in but I was pissed. So I made sure he had no wiggle room between me and the person ahead of me. He rolled down his window and lord knows why, but I rolled mine down too.

"We have a system here!"

Um, what? This isn't Cheers, they don't know your name dude. It's a freaking Wendy's. And the system is first come first served thankyouvermuch. I may have thought this but I'm pretty sure I just spluttered at him and rolled up my window.

So he got behind me.I was relieved, still concerned that he might rear end me over a fast food lunch. But I thought it was over. Until I rolled down my window to order.

This idiot was yelling obscenities at me. He called me a cunt! Seriously, this guys whipped out the c word because he had to wait an extra 5 minutes for his toasty baked potato. I didn't say anything. I'd like to say it was because I was trying to be above it and stay classy, but if that was the case I would have just let him cut. I think I was just in shock. I have never been called such an aggressive mean thing. Especially over food. I mean, who does that?

After getting my food, I kept checking my review mirror to make sure he hadn't followed me or something. I called my friend and she said I should have gotten out of the car and shamed him for being mean to a pregnant lady. I really don't think that would have made a difference. The type of person who would try and ram your car and yell obscenities out the window in public would not give a crap that I was pregnant.

Sadly, I think if I had been with my husband or any other man, the guy would have kept his mouth shut. I just know that because I was alone and female he thought he could push me around. I truly hope he doesn't treat everyone like that, and it was an anomaly brought on by extreme hunger and the smell of crispy salty french fries. They've been know to drive people crazy with hunger.

What kind of behavior shocks you in public?

Pretty Girl Rock

Recently this article from the Huffington Post was making the rounds. How To Talk to Little Girls. If you haven't read it, basically she points out how when people see little girls they always bend over and proclaim how beautiful or cute or pretty they are. She suggests instead to ask the girls about books, school, games they like to play etc. Fantastic advice. I agree. For the most part. 

Even longer ago, this spoken word piece was making the rounds. Katie Makkai's "Pretty." There's a transcript here if you're some sort of weirdo who doesn't like spoken word. Basically she explains how her mom was so concerned with making sure her daughter was pretty, they went so far as a nose job. Katie laments that she hasn't seen her own face in 10 years. She doesn't blame her mother though, she knows that its what her mother was taught and was just trying to pass it on. She says its the problem with society today. Why we go home depressed because a total stranger didn't deem us "fuckable." And when she has a daughter she will tell her that she is more important then the word pretty and focus on all the daughter's other traits. Again, I agree. For the most part. 

I have three girls. One is a total tomboy, one is a princess, and one is only 18 months. My husband and I tell them we love them, we praise their smartness, their good decision making, we nurture their interests and take them to the library. They will be so much more then just pretty. They will be smart, strong, independent woman. We do everything we can to ensure this. We tell them we love everything about them. But we also tell them they are beautiful. All the time. I think its important for them to know that they are beautiful just as they are. They don't need a nose job, or to lose weight or make-up. They are shining, radiant, pretty little girls. But they are also smart, sassy, independent, loving, good little people. 

My 5 year old has taken to raiding my jewelry box and loves to put nail polish on. She says "I look beautiful now." I am quick to point out that she looks beautiful all the time. She doesn't need her princess crown or pink toenails to be beautiful. She just is. 

I also think its very important for Robert to tell them they are beautiful, as well as quick and funny and intelligent.  I think having a male role model who tells them they are perfect how they are, every single part of them, saves them from looking for that validation in the wrong place. Saves them from being manipulated. 

I would like to sit here and pretend like looks don't matter. But they do. I want my girls to know that they are not even close to the most important thing about them. I'd much rather them be concerned with how far they can kick a ball, how fast they can run, how many books they can read in a summer and how many times they can make Mommy laugh so hard she cries. But ignoring it all together would be just as big of a mistake as focusing on it altogether. 

So we strive for balance. As much as we can as a parent. We fight against media and their friends. But we put up a good fight and all we can do is hope that we have given them a stable foundation to fight back when we aren't around to do it for them.

Were you told that you were pretty? How did it affect you growing up?

Things I Love Thursday-It's Back Again

I haven't done a TILT post in a long time. TILT is "Things I Love Thursday." And it was invented by the always amazing Gala Darling.  I haven't done it in a long time. But I think I needed to start regularly reminding me of what I love and what I am grateful for. It's so easy to get bogged down in the bad and negative. We can always use a little break to focus on the good. Right? 

♥ Homemade cheese bread (I haven't made it but it looks so tasty right?) ♥ Re-reading Harry Potter ♥ hot baths ♥ air conditioning ♥ rain (we haven't had any but I'm trying to use positive manifestation) ♥ Wondering if manifestation is a word? ♥ All the amazing followers, readers and commenters ♥ Yoga ♥ meditation ♥ Louis CK's thoughts on parenting. Hilarious ♥ Having two days off with my husband ♥ New diabetes management ♥ Making sticky sweet nommy caramel corn for the girls ♥ Having a job ♥ going to the library ♥ School. While I miss my littles it's nice to have more quiet time when the littlest is asleep ♥

And always I am forever grateful for my husband and three beautiful amazing daughters.

What do you love today?

I Need A New Bra..or Four.

My bras are too small and my straps refuse to stay up. Do you know how incredibly frustrating it is when you are juggling a toddler and trying to hike your bra up at the same time. Very! I haven't been fitted for a bra since before my first kid. And you know my boobies are just begging for a new home. I know you all have heard that very few woman wear bras that fit. Which is so stupid of us. I mean, I wouldn't wear shoes that were too small!

I found this YouTube video on bra fitting. If you're not interested in bra fitting there is a cute girl in her underwear involved..eh eh eh? 

I hope you can use this and be more comfortable. A comfortable blogger is a happy blogger. 

How long has it been since you got a new bra?

Maybe Writing Will Help Me Forgive-RemembeRED

It's a cliche, but words can leave lasting scars. Scar that not even you can see. No matter how far you've come, no matter how fuzzy the memory, they are still there and sometimes they'll open up and stop your life short. They'll make it hard to breathe, like you're being held under water flailing and kicking to reach the surface.  When you finally shake it off, while your breathing normalizes you shove it back down into the depths of your memory and hope that this time you've conquered it.

But you haven't.

Being railed at by him was like fire and brimstone. I was laying in my cool quiet bedroom with the phone pressed to my ear. Yet when I return to the memory in my head I see shadows and fire burning on the walls. His words were poisonous and hot. It had been six months of this. I deserved every minute of it. I hoped desperately that if he saw that I agreed with him, that he was right, then maybe his anger would abate. Everything he said was true, I was guilty.  I had ruined our lives and if it made him feel better to hate me in the middle of the night, then I would endure it. It was the least I could do. All the words he threw at me were not new words. They were not revelations. They were the things I had been berating myself with everyday. I was much crueler to myself then he could ever be. So if it helped ease the pain in his heart then I would lay there and quietly agree with him. I would try not to cry where he could hear me, because I didn't deserve the relief of tears. I had done this to us. I let the words sink in to my very bones, because that's what I deserved.

It has been a long time since then. He has forgiven me and offered up apologies, which I waved away. His words are not the reason why the scars come up. If it were not for my guilt we could have moved on a long time ago. But the shame has etched those words into irrefutable scars inside me. If it were not for my guilt, they would have healed long ago. But instead its acted like a soldering iron. I imagine when I die and they open me up to donate my organs they will find fiery words etched on my fragile bones.

I hope that I can start healing the scars and maybe writing it out will help me. I don't need to forget. I am a firm believer that life is a lesson. This lesson was hard won, so it will not be forgotten. But maybe I can forgive myself and focus on the now. My scars can heal and I can fill myself up with the love in my life, instead of constantly nursing an old wound.

What can you write about to help you heal?

Any Volunteers?

Food For Thought

 This week has gone by so quickly. I have been making an effort to be better. To be a better wife and mom. I lost my patience with the girls, so had to start over again. But we're getting there. We met Pea's teacher. She seems nice. They told us she tends to let kids be as independent as possible, which is perfect for our stubborn (ahem) independent little girl. She starts tomorrow. Gulp. There may be tears and moping until we get to go pick her up. From me, not her. I get two whole days off with my husband. That never happens, our schedules rarely sync up. So I'm pretty stoked about that. How was your week?

But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.

— Thomas Jefferson

Oh seriously. Some days are just like this.

Just one moment of meditation can do wonders for your emotional state.

This post about racism is draw dropping. 

For when you can't think of something mean enough to call someone. 

This movie looks so great. I adore Jeffrey Dean Morgan. And check out Sam Worthington's Texas accent.

Daniel Radcliffe's first movie after the franchise. And it looks nice and creepy. I'm excited!

 This is so true!

I totally missed the Zombie Apocalypse. But it was hilarious.

Have you guys seen anything good lately? Share them!

Let's Talk About Our Boobs, Shall We?

I'm not going to lie to you guys here. I don't do this. When I have, I get super paranoid by any lump and bury my head in the sand. It's so much easier then actually taking care of myself. But look guys, 1 in 8 of us will be diagnosed with breast cancer. And with early detection your survival rate is as high as 92%! So let's get naked and do this. You can even buy the little reminder card above at I Heart Guts. Along with some really adorable stuffed..guts. 

I hope you do this and have a lovely lump free day. 

Let me know if you do it so I can stop worrying about you!

Need To Carry This Around.

We Are So Proud.

Does anyone remember that scene in Parenthood (the movie, not the series.) where the kid puts a bucket on his head and starts running into walls? And the Mom sheepishly explains that he likes to butt things with his head? And Rick Moranis says "You must be so proud."?

Yeah.

Our girls just got new bike helmets. Guess what our little geniuses decided to do with them in their room? 

We are so proud.

What have your kids done to make you wonder about their survival skills?

There Will Be Punching-PYHO

I am so sick of being treated like a second class citizen. Not because I am a woman, or because I am part of a mixed race marriage. (Those are whole other posts.) But because I am a parent. I am mocked, blamed and treated like I don't belong. 

Take eating out for example. I believe that the restaurant should not be kid friendly, but my children should be restaurant friendly. My kids know how to behave in restaurant. They are quiet. polite and stay in their seat. And if they don't? They get taken outside until they can calm down and act right. Also we don't take our kids to "Fancypants Mcgee Bistro."  But we go to places like Chili's in the middle of the afternoon and some gives my kids a dirty look for giggling too much? I have so far kept my patience. But eventually I am just going to start punching. 

Or movies. In town their is a free summer kids movie every week. Free...Kids. Some people seem to have missed those key words. Again our kids know not to talk during the movie and to stay in their seat. But we've been to the FREE summer KIDS movie and gotten dirty looks from adults who didn't bring any kids when my daughter whispers, "Why did they take ET Mommy?"  Next time I will punch them in the back of the head and they can choke in their popcorn bucket. They are cheap enough to come to a FREE KIDS movie and bitch about the KIDS? No sir. 

And the reason for this rant. The grocery store. Really any store. Once more I will reiterate, my kids do not run willy nilly screaming through the aisle. If they have a melt down, we stop shopping and leave. But they are little and aren't always aware of their personal space or other's personal space. So they may run in front of a cart or cut someone off trying to get to the cookie aisle. I make them say they're sorry and I also apologize and smile at the person. Most people smile back and laugh a little, say something about how kids will be kids, etc. But then there's the douches who give me a dirty look after I apologize. I fucking said I was sorry, asshole. I may or may not have said that to some hipster in the cold foods sections the other day. But I promise you, next time. Punching.

I don't particularly like kids, except for my own.  I hate playgrounds and birthday parties. So I get that kids are annoying. But guess what, one day they will be in my place. Even thought they say they don't want kids, the majority of them will end up as parents anyway. And karma is a bitch. Also where the hell would they be if their parents hadn't decided to have them.  

I refuse to sit at home and stare at Sprout all day, or only go to restaurant that have flashing lights and ball pits.Just because you are an asshole doesn't mean that my kids don't belong out in public. I think that assholes should not be allowed in grocery stores or restaurants. Because they ruin my day more often then rambunctious kids.

If they do come out and want to act superior to me and my kids? This is fair warning. I will start swinging, like a crazed windmill, bitches. So watch out.

What makes you want to punch someone?

I Am Ready For A Change-RemembeRED

It is hot in here, but the pillows muffle my sobs. The tears always seem right on the surface. I am so fucking tired of my own weakness. But still there is comfort. It's easier to hear the negativity then fight against it. I shrug weakly. I am a bad mother, a bad wife. I wonder if they would be better off without me? All I contribute is a paycheck. And even that is not enough.

My tears stop. Sleep is tugging at me. I wake up not realizing I had fallen asleep. The running chant continues unabated. You are worthless and bad at this. It lists everything that was not done right today. Making my husband angry and making my daughters cry. I am no good at this. I am no good.

Something feels tired. This is an old script. A script I manage to muffle for longer periods of time, thinking I have buried it completely. Until the smallest thing will bring it up, to repeat. Sinking into it's familiar and comforting presence is just the easiest thing to do. Believing the words, dredging up proof that it is right.

STOP. A voice breaks through my self-pity. You are not worthless, you are not bad. They are not better without you. You are being ridiculous. This voice is less familiar then the negative one. But I remember hearing it faintly. It is so much louder this time. You need a change, it practically bellows. You are not perfect, you never will be. But instead of dwelling on the things you have done wrong. How about changing them? Instead of crying over it. Fix it. Do better. STOP.

I wake up groggy and too early. Instead of laying in bed and letting my heart sink remembering the harsh words. I remind myself. Do better. This is your time to change. I get up and I start the slow unfamiliar process of  changing my script. I will never be a perfect mother or wife. But instead of acting like I have no control and that I am just a bad person, I can stop and do better. And I am starting right now.

Have you ever found it easier to give up? What changed your mind and got you started again?

You Have To Heal Yourself

Food For Thought-The one with actual links

This week started out hard. Had a not fun doctors visit where I was scolded for not taking care of myself. I have had no patience for the girls and I got treated so rudely at work I was ready to flip out. But today was better. We went to the husband's work BBQ and ate tasty food and met new people. Then we had GIANT snow cones. It was fantastic. So hopefully the rest of the week keeps it up. And I hope you had an all the way fantastic week. But if not maybe these links can cheer you up or distract you.

"You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."  — Homer Simpson

 

I sometimes get jealous of those people who take their babies everywhere. But this article puts it in perspective. It's good to stay home and love on your kids and be with your partner.

I need this as a pillow! I AM so excited!

Check out the new zombie movie..Juan of the Dead.

I love the Pioneer Woman. But she is a brand. I'm sure Ree Drummond in her private time is not exactly like the Pioneer Woman. This was an interesting article about people branding themselves.

Angelina Jolie and I both look awesome without make up. Obviously.

I want everyone to have the joy (and misery) of being married. Let's urge Obama to stop sitting on the fence and say I do.

This is paaaaiiiiinnnnttting.

Despite numerous studies that vaccines do not cause autism. Jenny McCarthy insists on promoting the idea, convincing naive parents to not give their children vaccines. This website counts down how many children Jenny McCarthy has killed.

Did you know that most musical hits only use four chords? Here's awesome proof.

Wonder what its like to swim with an octopus?

You have so many choices. Please just choose yourself.

Do you know what a trope is? Do you how woman are constantly stereotyped in television and film? Well watch this and find out.

A man writes about why he is a feminist. 

I truly think this is the least sexiest thing a man can wear.

These are my kind of princesses.

SRMM found a black widow in her mother fucking grapes! Or more accurately her kid did. So scary. I had the hubs check our grapes when I got home. They are safe, but I'm still paranoid.

What have you guys seen this weekend? Or what have you written that I should read?

How You Can Help Somalia

I wasn't going to write a blog today. I just wasn't feeling it. I turned on my dvr'd Anderson Cooper to pictures of people starving. Of children who looked like bundles of bones wrapped in their mother's arms. Their eyes large and feverish in their tiny faces. I felt something in me crack.

My youngest is sitting next to me munching on crackers. And if she is still hungry there are more crackers or hot dogs and clean water to drink. We joke about how fat she is but today I am grateful for her snugly rolls and potbelly busting out of her shirt. I cannot imagine being a mother who has to watch her child starve to death.

When I am hungry I am extraordinarily whiny and I complain about how I am starving. I have never been starving. These people are truly starving and dying. And I feel helpless. I feel overwhelmed and I cry for them.

But what else can I do? What can we do?

We can educate ourselves.. I am frustrated with our media once again. Yes our credit got downgraded, but an hour of 8 pundits yelling at each other and blaming one side or the other is not going to fix it. There are people dying in East Africa (It's not just in Somalia), Syria and still in Libya. There are also Americans dying in a pointless war overseas.  If your news channels are not talking about it, get online and learn what's really going on. This is not just a drought. This has more to do with corruption and terrorists groups blocking aid, then just mother nature.

You can donate of course. Here's a list of aid groups.

You can urge our politicians to do more.

You can pray, meditate, chant, whatever.

You can remind yourself that your life is infinitely better then you thought. You can hug your loved ones and cherish them knowing you will never have to helplessly watch them die. 

I hope you can find some way to help, everything counts.

How Many Bloggers Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

17

One..to come up with the idea to change the light bulb

One..to decide if the people who visit this room would like a light bulb change, or will they stop coming back?

One... to research how other bloggers have changed light bulbs.

One..to do a rough change of the light bulb

One..to doubt that change and unscrew it

One..to confidently re-screw it in.

One...to giggle like a twelve year old boy at how many times we say screw.

One..to make sure the light bulb is screwed in tight and won't fall out and make the blogger look bad.

One..to make sure the color and wattage of the light bulb work with the rest of the room.

One to... SEO the light bulb to make sure people come see the new bulb.

One... to doubt once again if they should definitely and finally change the light bulb and let people see it.

One.. to announce to twitter and facebook that the light bulb has been changed

One.. to look at the bulb.

One... to comment.

One.... to make rude people commenting about penis enlargers to leave. This is about the light bulbs damn it!

One... to lurk and see the light bulb but you never notice them because they never comment.

and

One... to hope people like the new light bulb. 

How many does it take in your house?

I Cried Today-PYHO

Today I yelled at Sweet Pea. She was arguing with me about something stupid and I just lost it. I got right in her face and yelled. No, I screamed at her. Then she ran away crying. I felt like an ogre. My heart sank and I realized that I had scared my tiny little girl over a cup. I had lost my temper and took it out on her.

I went and apologized to her. I started to cry while I was hugging her. I felt awful This is not the first time that I have yelled at her, that I have over reacted. I don't hit her but my outbursts are just as bad. I know better. I know that every time I yell I am breaking a little bit of her trust in me. Her little brain gets confused. Mommy loves me, but mommy yells. Her emotions get wrapped up in being scared and as an adult she thinks that's love. Maybe I'm being melodramatic and over reaching. But the things we do to our children follow them. No matter how small.

I haven't gotten that frustrated with her in a long time. And in my teeniest little defense she's at that age, where she argues with everything, talks back, refuses to listen and throws temper tantrums. Yeah she's five, can you imagine how it will be when she's a teen? Chaos. She's not even a bad kid, she's just testing her individuality and boundaries. And I will miss this. I will miss the why's and the asking a question, just so she can argue the answer. Maybe she'll be a politician?

I need to take a step back. Recognize when I get frustrated and breathe. I say that I want them to look back and remember laughter and love and warm happy memories. And it's my job to ensure that happens. I can only blame myself when her and I don't have a relationship later on in life.

Have you ever feel like the worst person alive?

I was born a worrier. I was born a warrior.

I don't have any viking blood or Native American blood. I have mostly German blood and I seem to have inherited the worst traits from it. Weight gain comes easily, I have big hips and pasty skin.  I don't seem to be able to hold my beer at all though. (Yes, I know that these are stereotypes) I haven't inherited any warrior blood. Maybe my ancient ancestors were fierce Germanic warrior woman, but it must have thinned out down the line, because any semblance has deserted me recently.

I am the kind of person who doesn't want to offend anyone, I will desperately smile and please and thank you the rudest waiters. I have been known to try and make someones day who has called me incredibly hateful things just because I know they are sad. This may sound like I'm nice, but really it's more desperation to make sure people like me. Whether they deserve my friendship and time, or not.

Whenever you are angry or grumpy I will automatically assume it's something I did. Or that you don't like me. How could you? I am so lame! I always assume I am in trouble at work even though I didn't do anything wrong. It gives me a stomach ache until I find out one way or the other.

One of my favorite books is White Oleander. It's the story of Astrid, who due to her mom's poor choices ends up in foster care. The only truly good thing her mother told her was to be strong because they are vikings. They are warrior women.

Sometimes when I want to curl up and take the blows I feel like I deserve I remind myself that I am also a warrior woman. Even when it's hard to believe. It may not be directly from my heritage. But I am a strong woman. I come from a long line of Valkyries, Aztec skeleton goddesses, warrior princesses and queens, woman who fought in men's clothes and became generals, frontierswoman, Japanese onna bugeisha, pirate queens. The list is endless. 

When I remind myself that I too am a warrior. My spine unbends, my mind becomes clear and focused. I can handle anything you can throw at me. I have created life and raised it up. Do not fuck with me. I will open my mouth and I will not need to yell because I will be heard. My girls will know that they are not just princesses ala Disney but they are warrior princesses. They will learn it from me. Their warrior mama.

What helps you remember that you are amazing when the world is beating you down?

Who Was Supposed to Call the Fire Department?

When I got to work yesterday the admin building smelled amazing and vanilla-esque. Not that it usually smells bad, in face I've never noticed a smell to it really. At the time I was distracted by a red faced teenager having a temper tantrum so I didn't think too much of it. 

Later. My work buddy Crissy called me from the admin building to tell me that it still smelled awesome, which was good news. She thought that their was a candle burning in one of the offices, which was bad news. Worst news was that the office door was locked and we didn't have a key to it and wouldn't be able to get into it for another six hours. 

We made the executive decision to periodically check to see if the building had burned down. We figured it was the least we could do. As the night came to a close I called Crissy and asked her if the building had burned down.

Crissy responded matter of fact. "I don't think so. I don't hear any sirens."

Apparently in this neighborhood we have ninja firemen who can just sense a fire. Aren't we lucky? 

The building did not burn down. I'm not going to lie, I was a tad disappointed since it was the HR office and I hoped they'd lose any records of how much I got paid. And when they asked me, I would be happy to let them know it was 20.00 an hour. Opportunity missed. 

What's the weirdest conversation you've had at work?

Food For Thought-The Fuck You Edition

Ummm...so yeah I had a whole post done and I was spell checking and the stupid fucking thing erased everything for no apparent reason. I had so many good links that I wanted to share. Ugh. So I'm sorry, but no Food For Thought today.

Do you guys have any links to share? To make up for my extreme lack?

My Summer Uniform

I live in central Texas. Where it's always insanely hot during the summer. But this summer has been special. And by special I mean: record breaking temperatures, out sweating my deodorant, and burning myself with the water hose when trying to water our rapidly dying garden. Silly me I though it would cool my feet off, instead I ended up with scalded feet. Good times. Oh and not to mention our AC has broken twice, in one month. Luckily all the parts were under warranty. But grumpy babies in hot houses do not fun summer days make.

I have developed a summer uniform. Be damned looking stylish. My goal is to be comfortable and as cool as possible. My uniform consists of my husband's old shirts DIY'd with the collar and arm bands cut out, yoga pants that have seen more couch time then yoga classes, and a high bun because growing your hair out in 107 degree weather kind of sucks frankly. My one concession to style is wearing ballet flats instead of flip flops. Tim Gunn told me too. He said to make it work. 

Occasionally I will wear real pants, but I made my husband buy me three more pairs of yoga pants. So they may just become my fall uniform, winter uniform and spring uniform as well. I comfort myself by pointing out that my butt looks AH-mazing in yoga pants. And the husband agrees. And really that's all the matters.

What has been your summer uniform?

Furiously Geekily Happy

I found this video through The Bloggess, who has coined the term furiously happy. And this video has me head over heels furiously geekily happy. If you don't know, "cosplay" is people who dress in costume for things like Comic-Con or Dragon-Con. (When I first heard cosplay it sounded like a dirty sex game to me. Just me? Okay then.) Some call them losers playing dress up. I call them brave and awesome and having a good fucking time. I wish I was so brave.

Don't be ashamed if you watch this over and over again, and have a sudden urge to watch anime. It's totally normal.

Isn't it fantastic?! I am sadly not geeky enough to recognize all the characters. What I have so far is Alice, Silent Bob, one of the Sailor Moons, Nymphadora and Lucius  (from Harry Potter), Black Cat (the super sexy one in the black catsuit) Spiderman, Harlequin, The Joker, BatGirl, Flint and Rapunzel, Jack Sparrow (who is also super sexy, that guy was dead on.) Dr. Who, Jessica Rabbit, Supergirl, Kaylee (from Firefly), and Venom. Did you recognize any other ones? Let me know.

What makes you furiously happy?

Dear Me Before Blogging

I love blogging and I love learning new things about it as I go. But there are a few things I would have like to know before I got started. It might have saved me a lot of time and trouble. So in the magic of blogging land I would like to tell my pre-blogging self a few things. And maybe you can benefit from my mistakes, experiences. Whatever. 

1. Choose a better website URL.. If you want your blog to be about pony riding midgets your blog name can be Anastasia's Wide World of Glittery Glitterness, but your blog URL should be "ponyridingmidgets.blogspot.com." This way when your very exclusive niche googles "pony riding midgets" There is more of a chance that yours will pop up on the first page. 

2. That being said, don't beat yourself up about SEO, or analytics. Title things what you want and write about what you want. Your passion and love will come through if you are true to yourself. 

3. Pictures. Your blog needs pictures. Check out weheartit or tumblr or my personal favorite pinterest. That being said, don't get picture crazy. Too many makes it look cluttered.  Open a tumblr account if you want to get picture craziness out of your system. 

4. I'm sorry, but you probably won't make money off of it. Move on.

5. On the same note, you probably won't get eleventy-thousand followers at once. Be happy with the people who love and read your blog regularly. All three of them.

6. Don't get bogged down in it, live your life too. You'll have something to blog about. 

7.Don't ramble. Don't make your posts waaaay too long, and pick a topic, Focus on one. Take that post about 82 different things and turn it into 82 different posts. 

8. Decide whether you want to be anonymous or not. If you choose not to be, decided how honest you are going to be and what the consequences might be.But always be honest in your writing, just maybe change the names a little.

9.Read and comment on other blogs. One of the most important things you can do to get people to read your blog. But only comment in a genuine way. Don't comment "Hey great post, visit me at www.midgetsridingponys.blogspot.com" That is not cool.

10. Enjoy it. People can tell when you aren't having any fun.

Just do what makes you feel right. It's a fine line between blogging for yourself and blogging for your readers. When in doubt be true to yourself. I hope it helped you, because I read my archives sometimes and I cringe. Maybe I can save you from that.

More tips: Nicolette said "I would add one more "keep ego in check." Most bloggers are wonderful but a few seem to get a little too big for their britches at times." (so true!)

Do you have any (more) tips?

Scared and Helpless-PYHO

My little girls are starting kindergarten and third grade in two weeks. Be still my heart. I watch all the back to school commercials, with the break dancing and the super cool clothes and I get stressed out. Will my girls have the "right" kind of clothes? Will they be made fun of because they don't have the coolest spangly shoes? I worry so hard about bullying and I feel sick to my stomach because I don't know what to do.

When Peanut was in kindergarten she told me about a little girl who was mean to her. I almost told her "Well punch them in the head." I stopped myself. It's hard to explain to a small person about the mind of a bully. That they are probably jealous for some reason, or they are bullied at home and think that is the appropriate social order. Or they see you as weak, especially when you let it get to you. You become an easy target. The playground is a lot more primal then we adults really see. (But so is the work place if you really think about it)

My heart aches thinking of my daughters being told they aren't good enough.You hear about all these teens killing themselves over bullying, or getting killed by a bully. I feel helpless. I know that I was bullied and I turned out okay. But when we were kids you didn't hear about kids committing suicide because of it.

I also don't expect them to have a super rainbow unicorn school experience. Conflict resolution and how to deal with negative people are important life skills for them to learn.  I also want them to love themselves for who they are. I want them to know that their differences are what make them so freaking awesome.

But, I feel helpless and terrified because all the books say, just make sure your kids feel comfortable talking to you about things and that you build them up enough that they don't feel hopeless when someone is cruel to them. That they know that you are there if they need you.

Well yeah, but I remember being a teenager. Adults couldn't possibly understand what I was going through. Of course they thought I was smart and beautiful. They had to!  They were my parents! No matter how much I praise my girls and make sure they know they are special and I am here, what if it doesn't work?

I know they are little, but "mean girls" start early. And I guess all I can do is keep asking them what they are doing and how their day at school was and try and help them through it. All I can do is swallow my terror and know that I am not helpless. As much as I may feel like I am. I am here for them and I will not ignore the signs of depression or unhappiness, even if they think I'm just being a lame meddlesome adult.

Were you or your children bullied? Any Advice?