A Crappy Parent-PYHO

Please god, let this be a phase. My five year old is a whiner. But only at home. She's an angel at school. But she gets home and she wants everything. Now. But she knows we have a routine and we don't do things just because she insists. So she whines, and whines and it escalates into a giant temper tantrum. 

I use a calm voice. I give her options. I put her in her room and explain that she can whine in there because the rest of the family doesn't need to hear it. She eventually calms down, she apologizes, we say how much me love each other, we do a few yoga breaths and all is good. For about five minutes. 

I don't know what to do. We have never been the type of parent who gives into that type of behavior. So why all of a sudden does she think that will work? Because it doesn't. Sometimes after an entire day of whining and tantrums, I lose it. Yesterday I probably picked her up to hard to put her in the room, and at the end of the night I got in her face and screamed "STOP!" All it did was make her cry harder and me feel like the crappiest person on earth. I am at a loss. I know it's a valid parenting technique to disengage and ignore. But I think whoever invented it was more concerned about the parents sanity then teaching the kids a lesson. I am a full supporter of that. 

Sweet Pea's personality is stubborn and obstinate.  I know that we will always have to battle against that part of her. But that's okay, I just want her to stop whining. So please, god let this be a phase. I can't imagine her like this as a teenager. 

She is our sensitive and high strung one, yelling and telling us what she wants when she wants us. Peanut is our repressive one, who we have to wheedle out anything that might be wrong. I told my 20 month old Bliss last night. "Please can you just be in between?" She told me no.  Sigh.

What do you do about whining?