Food for Thought-The NYE edition. Because you have nothing better to do tonight!

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If you’ve been going through life as a sleepwalker, it’s time to wake up. The journey begins right now.-Chris Guillebeau

A photo essay of amazing modern day woman warriors.

A spoken word piece asking: Where are my Wild Woman? It makes me want to shout. Right here damn it!

Really fantastic ideas to Create a Working Wardrobe.  Not just a bunch of crap that doesn't match closet.

Best Way to Keep Your New Year's resolutions.

A sentiment for blazing.

The difference between who you are and what "they" say.

Throwing stuff away and enjoying less. 

Did you know that the horn on a Rino is made out of the same material that your hair is made out of? 

Seriously, TSA is just getting ridiculous. There's a fine line between protecting us from terrorists and terrorizing us. Apparently.

coolest snow man ever. 

hopefully this is not me or you after tonight's festivities.

Since it's my name sake I loved this photo shoot even more.

So amazingly true!

I love this Bus Stop metaphor for relationships. 

Have a great New Year!



*click pictures to take you to the source

TILT 12/30

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I'm saving up money to live here. We can all chip in, I'm sure it's big enough for all of us.

*A New Year*Bliss clapping*Bliss crawling*Bliss pulling herself up and standing*Bliss in general*Pea in general*Peanut in general*Sparkles*My new day planner*Buying new clothes for NYE*my husband*cooking new things*Lost streaming*new running shoes*

My Uncle Woody and my Dad, eating dinner (lunch) at the same table that I ate lunch at so many times in my Grandma's house.

The Best of Sweetbutterbliss 2010

I technically started blogging in 2009. But 2010 is where I found my footing and learned a lot about blogging, social media and myself. I'd like to share with you my favorite posts from this last year. And my bloggy goal for next year is to have every post I write in 2011 be on my Best of list at the end of the year. 

I wrote about my experience going through Basic Training for the Army in a 5 part post.

I was brainwashed.

Oh my aching back.

The Bad and the Ugly

The Good

One Last Thing

I talked about how to find out what's really wrong.

Anger is a Secondary Emotion

I let you in on why my therapy bills will be so high one day. They always blame the mother. 

Let's Bring it Down a Couple Notches

I let you borrow a copy of my Baby Manual. 

Excerpt from Baby Manual

I showed how mother's all over the world are basically the same.

My Heart Beats For You

I grieved over my mother-in-law, and relied not only on my family but also your support

Really Love Your Peaches

I am unintentionally deep about dealing with problems in life. 

I'm Like Yoda and Stuff

I created a "List" of things to try before I am 30. I'm running out of time. 

List-o-mania

I gave props to other Mommies and Daddies. 

Judge Not, Lest You Get Kicked in the Ass by Karma

I had a hard break up, and am still trying to make a clean break of it. 

A Dear John Letter

I did a guest post, I feared you would judge me but I should have known better

Get So Hot We'll Melt Our Faces Off

I sent out an open letter to the universe. Still up for some answers!

Opening Myself Up to the Universe

I revealed how incredibly sexy I am. 

The Club Can't Handle Me Right Now

I educated on how to read a nutritional label. But you guys already knew how right?

How Not to Be Fat and Stupid

I cried over my daughter's haircut. 

Someone Please Stop Time

I demanded that you take charge of your own health.

Taking Your Health Into Your Own Hands

I listed the symptoms of diabetes, just in case. 

I Have to Pee All the Time 

I vented about how hard my child is sometimes.

My Explosive Child

I admonish those that believe silly rumors on the internet and explained how to really help children in need.

Changing Your Profile Picture is not Enough

That's all I wrote that's fit to print. I had a great year and plan to have an even better new year. And to continue to learn about blogging, social media and myself.   Happy New Year! I hope it's a good one and remember it can only get better.  

What was your favorite post of 2010? Leave it in the comment sections because I would love to read it.

Newest Member of the Family.

I'd like to introduce you to our newest baby.

Guillermo Del Pickles Villarreal III

(Memo for short)

I have always wanted to have a boy and name him Guillermo. So I put my foot down, since this is the only "son" I will have. And I felt like he needed a little gravitas to his name. So we added the third. 

He got comfortable surprisingly quick. We rescued him from Austin Pets Alive. A shelter that's working to make Austin a "no-kill" city. They even rescue animals from the kill shelter. He was bottle fed and had some respiratory problems. But now he's a healthy, very playful 6 month old. 

He really likes the Christmas tree. 

So say hi to our first family pet. Hopefully he can give me lots to blog about. 

What did you guys get for Christmas?

Good thoughts, prayers, healing vibes, positive affirmations? Hand them over.

A bloggy friend of mine M-Cat from That's What She Said had some horrifying news. Her beautiful, adorable, smart granddaughter's mother took her life on Christmas Eve.  She is taking a break from blogging, but please take a minute and visit her blog and let her know that we are all praying for her family. Whatever kind of prayer you believe in, please send it their way because they could really use it right now. Thank you. 

*comments off.

Parenting by 70's Classic Rock

If we have another child and it is a masculine one. I will play this song for him every night, and that is the only guidance I will ever offer him. The End.

You Can Get Your Kids Off of Me Now.

You know those fun websites where you can see funny santa pictures. Well I don't need to go look because I have my very own. 

Merry Christmas from the family who doesn't know how to act in pictures. 

Food For Thought-The Christmas Eve Edition

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I want this Devil Cupcake onesie and shirt for me!

I want to make this bacon ornament to hang year round.

People try and replicate their awkward posed photos as adults. It is awesome sauce.

Book shelf Porn. For all of us naughty nerds.

I've tried Life Tapping a few times and I liked it. You can even use it for food cravings.

A taste test from Etsy

Fig, Riccota, and Proscuito.yes please.

For all the parents with kids who are online, a pledge to raise a responsible digital citizen.

#353 of 1000 awesome things? Christmas tree lights through windows. Hell yeah.

Mommy is trying to Bake frakken memories here!

Merry Christmas or Merry Weekend. Spend it with your love ones and try not to get distracted by all the gifts. Also if there are any Christmas (or weekend) orphans who want to eat turkey and watch Christmas movies, then come over. Send me an email.

An eight year old Peanut

 one of her first pictures

Peanut is eight years old today. Normally I would tell her birth story but I wasn't there. Because I am Peanut's step mom. I refer to her as my daughter, because referring to her as my step daughter makes it seem like she is less a part of our family. Which is anything but true.  

I do know that she was late and her mom was only in labor for like four or five hours.  Hubs thought she was shaped like a little Peanut. So thus she was named. I'm sure when she's a teenager she'll demand we stop calling her that. But for now, it stays. 

my all time favorite picture of her as a baby

I remember when I first started dating Hubs, my room mate who had known him for a while said "You know he has a kid?" She was concerned and wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into. (But then she told him that I was flaky and to watch out. Thanks buddy.)  "Um yes. I've met her." I replied, confused.  When I talked to hubs about it he explained that a lot of woman he had dated thought he was looking for an "instant family". I had never even thought of that.

her mom is a photographer so we have lots of great pictures of her

I knew that Peanut came first and that's how it should be and still is. Our girls come first. Period. I wasn't use to kids and we had a few bumps and bruises. But Peanut is one of my daughters. I have helped raise her since she was 2. I love her and she makes us laugh all the time. I wish we had her more often and I wish I could change the way people treat her. But short of punching them in the head I just have to give her love and squgs (squishy hugs...obviously) to erase them from her little heart.

 so much sugar!

So Happy 8th Birthday Peanut. (holy cow! 8!)

I don't Want It, You Take It.

Sometimes I really hate having diabetes. Most of the time I realize I'm stuck with it and I'm fine with it. I can joke about it and try not to think about it too much.  But other times...well, fuck diabetes. I am tired of it. 

I want to just eat my food.

I am tired of whipping out the calculator.

I am tired of making sure I write it down before I forget,.

I am tired of having sore fingers or any more blood drawn. 

 I am tired of making sure I have 82 different things with me if we leave the house. 

I am tired of having to go to the bathroom to give myself an injection at a restaurant. 

I am tired of the guilt that comes with every bite of food. 

I am tired of worrying about my girls having it. 

I am tired of doctors and insurance companies

I am tired of the cost

I am tired of the lows and the highs

I am tired of feeling like crap if I don't calculate it just right. 

I am tired of having to decided whether to eat one little sweet or not. 

I just want to eat my damn food. Before it gets cold!

What are you guys tired of?

All I Need to Know I Learned From Law and Order:SVU

I have been watching a lot of SVU. Every single season is streaming on Netflicks. I probably shouldn't watch it because it just makes me paranoid. And any time a child gets hurt or dies I end up in tears. Also I have learned that short I mean business hairstyles do not look good on Mariska Hargitay. Just saying. 

It also makes me curious. I know I have been told rape prevention tips until I just don't hear them anymore. So I turned to Google. Honestly I was surprised that there wasn't more information about it. There's  a wealth of information on what to do after you've been raped and the same prevention tips over and over and almost nothing about what to do during a rape. Do you fight back? Do you try and scream? Do you just lay there and hope he doesn't kill you? That is what I wanted to know. And still haven't found out for sure. 

I do not believe that rape is ever the victims fault. Ever. I don't care how drunk the person is. (yes, person, men can get raped too, by woman even.) And yes they are allowed to change their mind in the middle of it. That's why this list written by Colleen Jameson is so awesome. 

 An absolutely full proof plan to prevent rape. (or is it fool proof?)

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be

Isn't that the very best list ever?  I totally agree that we should educate not just how to prevent being raped but how to not rape someone.  But sadly we do not live in an ideal world. There are mean people out there who will hurt you, no matter how much they've been conditioned or educated not to. 

So sadly we do need rape prevention tips for the victim.  I wish that we could walk down dark alleys by ourselves, wear mini skirts and bikini tops and not be told we were asking for it. I wish that we didn't have to watch our drinks or carry pepper spray.  So for some rape prevention tips we can use right now, even if it's completely unfair, visit RAINN. They can tell you how to prevent it, what to do afterward and how to deal if it happens to you. 

And those of you who lie about being raped, there is a special place in hell for you. You are undermining any woman who is raped and tries to report it. So fuck you.

Does anyone else have any tips or websites that might help?

I am a Pokemon Master or whatever they're called.

Princess Peanut

Peanut is about to turn eight! We had her birthday party about two weeks early so her school friends could come. We had it at Main Event. Basically an over stimulated sensory nightmare. Lots of neon and strobe lights and loud techno versions of songs. But Peanut had a blast and so did her friends.

Gimpy sister bowling

She was a super great big sister and helped gimpy one-armed Pea bowl. And the really big news is that it was the first joint birthday party with her mom. And her mom didn't act like she had no social skills like she usually does when we meet. Some relatives got a little tipsy and sang weird birthday songs to Peanut who tried very hard to ignore them.

Pica?

Peanut wanted a Pokemon cake. I had no idea that Pokemon was still cool. Or Peanut's kind of a nerd. Or both. So what the birthday girl wants the birthday girl gets. I slept about 6 hours the whole weekend, between work and fondant rolling. And then the fondant on the cupcakes melted a little and I felt defeated, but Peanut loved them. And that's all that matters.

Not bad for half asleep pokeball making.

Bliss enjoying the sweet euphoria of cake. 

What kind of parties do your kids have?

Food For Thought: The long one because I was lazy last week.

Now who wants a kitten? weheartit

We want to stay in the Dr. Seuss room Thankyouverymuch.
Rants from Mommyland is a hilarious website that looks at the funny but true side of mommyland.
42 Things To Always Remember

Yes! from Workisnotajob

So true about working in retail and made me laugh out loud.
What a Dad should teach his daughter. Fantastic advice
A fantastic way to teach your kid about stranger danger and to trust her gut. The Uh-oh feeling.

A Christmas Flash mob


Things to be grateful for.
The Bloggess decorates dildos. How can it not be hilarious?
I love Poorly Dressed.

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“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Average people are doing nothing wrong. Leave them alone.

We hear a lot about world disasters but here are photos of people helping each other during them. Protecting Life at all costs.

11 Artists who were actually No-hit wonders. I was really surprised at some of these...Bob Marley?

I'd like to sign up for this next year. You can adopt a letter to Santa and make the writer's wish come true.

I want these awesome posters for my girls rooms.

I am a Crazy Sexy failure

I hate diets. I hate the concept of eating one way for the rest of your life. Because that's the only way most diets will work. "I lost 18 lbs on the Atkins diet, but the first time I ate a potato I gained 25 lbs back."  I've been on all of them. Cabbage soup diet, the Mayo Clinic diet (I use to like grapefruit juice) Atkins, South Beach...blah blah blah. But I like food. I also love to cook food. But being diabetic I have a lot of guilt when it comes to food. And being overweight I tend to berate myself when it comes to food.

But if I was to be on a diet, I would definitely like it to be a Crazy Sexy one. Right? So much better then "I'm on the blood type diet." 

It's written by Kris Carr who did the documentary "Crazy Sexy Cancer." on TLC.  She found out she had cancer. A rare cancer that couldn't be operated on. She of course saw all kinds of specialists, then she changed her diet. She became a certified nutritionist and learned what food really does to you. She became vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, caffeine-free and ate mostly raw. And her cancer stopped. She's not cured but it hasn't migrated or gotten any bigger either. She is in full remission.

I've been vegan before, I've even given up caffeine, and being diabetic I tend to steer clear of refined sugar as much as I can. Gluten free would be hard, but I've worked in gluten free bakeries so I knew I could work around it and what to look for. But the raw thing would be the hardest. I love to cook. My family's heart is in our kitchen. My girls and I cook together, my husband and I cook together. I didn't want to sacrifice that. So I said okay I can do this, but I will probably still cook my vegetables. I started the 21 Day cleanse excited and looking forward to feeling better. I got five days in and just couldn't do it. I felt like pooh. I know that's part of detoxification, but I don't want to feel like pooh. So I gave up. I drank a diet soda and I had some enchiladas. I failed. I am not crazy or sexy. At least when it comes to dieting.

Don't get me wrong, the book is fantastic. Carr is amazingly supportive and so is the online community. Carr really feels like she is your best friend and is rooting for you.  I do agree with her that our diet can cause a lot of pain and suffering. Who knows what the chemicals they use will do to us eventually? And the FDA does not have your best interest at heart. Sorry.  So if you have more willpower then I do, please buy her book.

I guess if I get cancer, I can chalk it up to being a lazy dieter.

My kind of Crazy, a little bit Sexy diet is as follows:

Eat a variety. Heavy on the fruits and veggies, but also a nice mix of protein, dairy and carbs. None of them are bad for you. In moderation.

Eat real sweets every once in a while. Not a the low fat kind. But a real cupcake made with my daughters. (Like they helped, not like their are bits of daughters in the cupcakes)

Eat less processed food. Period. 

Banish guilt from the kitchen. If you eat too much chocolate, oh well it happens. Just move on and eat some celery with it.

Keep the kitchen at it's heart. One of the ways we show our love is feeding our families with tasty  and, most of the time, nutritious meals.

Do you guys have any tips?

Hold Me and Take Away My Control

I work at an RTC. It's a "Residential treatment center." for girls 9-21 who need therapy before they can be place back in their home or be adopted. I've always wondered what it's like for the girls. I read Sunday's blog and have found her perspective enlightening and heartbreaking. I asked her to write a guest post on what it was like. I would like to point out that the restraints she describes are illegal now and we do not do those kind at my job. I'd like to say it doesn't happen any where, but I would be lying to you.  Here's her version. It pretty much broke my heart.

Imagine a group of 3, maybe 4 grown men and a couple of women tackling an 11 year old child to the linoleum floor, holding her down, spread-eagle while they pull-up her shirt, pull down her pants and green Peter Cotton tail underwear.  As the child is crying and thrashing, and asking them to stop, “leave me alone, I’ll do what ever you want, just let me go!” All the while they laugh and joke about the child’s choice of undies they have a picture of a bunny tail on the butt. 

  

I am not describing a case of child rape.  Nor am I describing some kind of ritualistic child abuse, well maybe I am.  What I am describing is being forcibly strip searched upon returning to my placement after a short afternoon visit with my mother. 

Then there was the time one of the therapists went to a seminar, upon returning she wanted to train the staff in a new therapy she learned, she thought it would help me to get in touch with my feelings, so I agreed (at 11) to help them out.  I walked down to the gym (well out of earshot and eye-shot on my own accord).  To be taken down, wrapped in numerous blankets, laid on by several staff members while they shouted insults at me intended to “get me in touch with my feelings”.  All the while I cried, screamed that I couldn’t breathe, thrashed, wiggled, became drenched with sweat and begged for what I thought was my life.  But to no avail…It went on like that for what must have been hours. 

The first placement I was at a child could expect to be dropped and rolled, and shown who was in control for just about anything; not moving fast enough, rolling eyes, a smart mouth – needless to say I found my self on the floor more than once.  The time I gave the “time-out” chair a Bobby Knight worthy toss down the hall, I earned my self a take down and a day in seclusion…Very nice!  

I have sat down to write this post several times, deleted, started over deleted it, had it deleted for me by my 5 year old who wanted to play games at Barbie.com, started again.

What I can’t seem to convey is the feeling of being a child, thrown down, hog tied, smothered by adults you know, trust and usually really like.  It feels like you are dying, it feels like they are crushing the breath out of you.  It feels like your ribs are going to snap at any second. 

It feels like you have no control over your life.  It feels like you have no control over your will.  It feels like you have no control over your body.  It feels like you have no control over your destiny. 

When you first go down, you fight.  You squirm.  You explain. You cry. You beg.  You truly believe that they just may crush the life out of you this time. That is the moment you give up.    You give up your indignation. You give up your will.  You give up your thoughts.  You give up control.  You disengage.  You dissociate. 

And that is the point of therapeutic restraint.  So they let you go.  

And you stumble away to catch your breath leaving your dignity behind.  And you learn how to not be present in your own skin.  And that is the point of therapeutic restraint. 

While some of the adults in authority may have escalated situations, and restrained unnecessarily, on the whole they were just doing their jobs the way they were trained to do it.  When a policy allows restraint out side the constraints of “eminent harm to ones self or others” there is a lot of latitude in the interpretation as to what is or would be res trainable offenses.   

The year after I aged out I was badly beaten and raped, after the blow that broke my nose it clicked in my mind:  I have been here before…

I have no control over my life.  I have no control over my will.  I have no control over my body.  I have no control over my destiny. 

At first go I fought.  I squirmed.  I explained. I cried. I begged.  I truly believed that I just may have the life crushed out of me. I gave up.   I gave up my indignation. I gave up my will.  I gave up my thoughts.  I gave up control.  I disengaged.  I dissociated. 

I stumbled away to catch my breath leaving my dignity behind.  I had learned how to not be present in your own skin. 

I had learned well, and isn’t the point of therapeutic restraint?

I really appreciate her open up to this. I know experiences like this can cause a lifetime of repressed trauma. I do want to say that although I appreciate her giving the employees an out, by saying that they were only doing what they were trained, I don't agree. It just shows what an amazing person she is that she tries to not make these people a villain. But no matter what your training, grown men should know better just on the principal of moral decency and how you treat a fellow human being.  And her therapist sounded like an idiot. 
  
I wrote about the flip side on her blog today. So please go read it and stay and browse. Thanks!

Do you have any questions or similar experiences?

Cause there's no one like you in the universe

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During the struggle they will pull us down

But please, please let's use this chance to turn things around

And tonight we can truly say together we're invincible

the Origin of Love

Oh but the longing is terrible,

A wanton heart under attack.

I wanna love you, all the way off,

Give me the keys to your hiding place, I'm not gonna tear it apart.

 Happy Anniversary Sugarpants. 

lyrics from Muse and TV on the Radio

Broken

When Sweet Pea was a baby I was overly paranoid about SIDS. I don't really know if  you can be overly paranoid about it. It wasn't a new mom thing because I'm just as worried about the newest baby.  But I remember hating worrying all the time. And I remember when she turned 7 or 8 months I felt this huge since of relief because now I didn't have to worry about SIDS. I could chill out. Then I thought about how she would be walking soon. And then I realized with abject horror that there were even more things to worry about....for the rest of her life. And even worse I won't always be able to fix what's wrong or prevent it.  I have resigned myself at this point that part of being a parent is a constant mixture of worry, guilt and helplessness. And love and awe too. But those don't usually keep me up at night.

I've learned that sometimes you have to let them learn from their mistakes. Like, don't fall off your bed in the middle of the night and land all wonky and break your clavicle.

Yes, that is my tiny little four year old in a sling. For a month. 

Hopefully she's learned that one.

My husband and I have never broken a bone, and our four year old already has. We both think she's going to be that kid, because she's incredibly clumsy and has to run everywhere. The whole time at the doctor I kept expecting them to say "Sure she fell off the bed. Sure."

Have you or a loved one broken something? And what have you come to terms with as a parent?

Changing your profile picture is not enough or How to really help abused children.

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I think that Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends is the best cartoon ever. It's not technically a child hood favorite but it helps me get in to my inner child. Besides it's hilarious. So when I read that there was a facebook meme to make your profile picture a cartoon from your childhood to promote awareness of child abuse this was the first cartoon I thought of. And I loved seeing all the cartoon faces on my wall. But the whole meme caused quite a bit of controversy. 

It started as a meme to just put a cartoon profile picture, then the child abuse awareness bit got added and then the whole pedophile rumors started. I'm sorry but you really shouldn't believe everything you read. Supposedly some pedophiles wanted people to change there profile picture to a cartoon because it's easier for them to contact kids if they have a cartoon picture. Okay first off, this is the stupidest rumor I have ever heard.  So a group of pedophiles got together (at the playground?) and came up with this genius plan. And then implemented it worldwide. Yeah right. And  I'm sure they don't need everyone to have a cartoon picture for them to have one. If your child is young enough to be lured in by a cartoon profile, you should be monitoring their computer time anyway. 

Also people were very upset because just changing your profile picture is not enough to stop child abuse. Of course it's not. But it did help with child abuse awareness, whether it was originally intended for that or not. They talked about it on CNN. So the awareness part is covered. But really, before this, were you unaware that child abuse happened or that something needs to be done about it? I hope not. But maybe you were aware but were sitting there saying..what next? What am I supposed to do? 

Well here's a few things you can do.

Don't be silent. If you suspect that a child you know is being abused Report it. I know that we tend to feel like we should mind our own business. But some kids don't have any one to speak up for them. Be that person.

Volunteer at a local shelter or home for abused children. These places can always use the help. Even if your helping by filing paperwork, you are still making a difference. You can also volunteer to answer phones at a hot line.

Donate to local shelters or homes, or even to national organizations. Not just money, but coats, blankets, toys.

Become a CASA, a court appointed special advocate. The cool thing about CASA is you are always that child's volunteer. Caseworkers, foster parents and placements may change but you stick with that kid through out the whole system. 

Use the government. Write to your representative about stronger reform and more laws protecting kids. I know pretty much every Child services department could use more resources. Tell the lawmakers you think so.

Get help. If you think that you might be abusing your child. Please get help, it may be hard to hear and embarrassing to admit it. But your child's welfare is the most important thing. 

Go hug and play with your kids. 

Do you guys have any other tips to help?

TILT: 12/09/10

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Christmas lights, Bloc Party, Being put it in a corner at restaurant and having terrible service but being able to laugh about it instead of getting grumpy, Santa pictures, my brave little Pea, Bliss's scrunchy face, avocados, Peanut turning 8 (!), making  a Pokemon cake (again !), cute new jeans and a sweater, making new friends, explaining Hanukkah to the girls, new endeavors, video game parties for my husband, my husband (always), sauerkraut

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former."— Albert Einstein

What do you love this week?

My Explosive Child

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Wouldn't it be nice if when our kids explode they explode with rainbows and sparkles? It would be a mess to clean up but a vast improvement. Lately it seems like our life is smack dab in the middle of a fault line. It's a four year old one. Sweet Pea has always been very sensitive and has had a few meltdowns. But for the past six months, about the time she started preschool it's been an every day thing. Sometimes it's little meltdowns and it's easy to get her out of it. But too often it's a screaming fit that ruins every one's day and makes us want to bang our heads against the wall. 

We've tried putting our foot down or disengaging and these just seem to make her more escalated. Dragging her upstairs and shutting the door on her is not something either of us enjoy doing. At all. We've also been giving into her tantrums a lot. Fine you can have more candy just stop already! I should say I give in more then my husband does.  Both of us were at a loss, Peanut was never this bad. We had no experience in dealing with her explosions. 

Until I saw a book at work called "The Explosive Child." by Ross W. Greene. The first chapter starts with an example of a girl who decides she's going to have a frozen waffle for breakfast, but there isn't any and so she throws a huge fit. This is definitely something that has happened in our house. It goes on to explain that children who explode like this tend to have problems with transitions. She wanted a waffle and it is very difficult for her to make the transition to eat something else. The main thing that struck me is that he kept repeating that "Children do good if they can," His theory is that children like Pea know what's right and they know they're not doing the right thing, but they can't help it. He says to look at it as a learning disability. You have to teach them how to transition and cope. It won't be fixed in a day, but neither is a learning disability. It takes time and a new approach. 

He has three options for dealing with the child. Plan A, B and C. Plan A is the one most people use. It's a "No." "You are being ridiculous, stop doing that right now." Which works with some kids, but if your kid is still exploding, it's not working for yours. 

C is just giving in. "Fine you can have a piece of candy." Sometimes plan C is a valid option. Would you rather spend an hour with them kicking and screaming or just let them go out without socks on? 

And the preferable option and the one he recommends is plan B. Where you talk about it with the kid and find a mutually exclusive solution. You start out by asking "What's up?" Then you repeat back to them what's wrong. "You don't want to wear socks." Then you try and put both concerns on the table. "My concern is that it's cold outside and your shoes will be stinky." Their concern may be that the socks are itchy. "Well how about we find some less itchy socks? Would you like to help me look?" 

Obviously it's not always that neat. But I've found that just starting with "What's up?" makes a world of difference. And if you learn their triggers. i.e. hunger, tiredness, math. You can sometimes head them off at the pass. 

It's a hard system to keep track of. It's very easy to think you're doing plan B, when you're actually doing plan A. But hopefully after a while you learn to talk to your children and they will learn to talk to you. So less explosions. Except for the rainbow glittery kind. So far so good with Pea. We are working on her saying something besides. "Because I don't want to." But we're getting there.

Have you ever tried this method? What works for you?