When I hear a sound a mood immediately comes to mind

I got swept up in the Pandora craze for a little bit. But I stopped using it because it really slows down my work computer. And because although I like the idea of it suggesting new bands to me, based on bands I thumbs up or thumbs down.  I guess I have far reaching music tastes because after a while it would start to lose focus and just play random stuff that I was not interested in.  John Tesh? Um No thank you.

But since I gave up on that. I have been listening to the sounds of silence. And although I like Simon and Garfunkel, I was really excited to find a new player. Its called StereoMood. You just pick what mood you're in or even what your doing, and it creates a playlist for you. They have options like "Sleeping" or "Lost in Thought" Or even just plain "Happy" You can also create your own playlist, and email it to your friends. Its my new favorite way to jam out at work. 

picture from weheartit and title of blog is a Brian Eno quote. 

Go check it out and tell me what you think.

Hopefully not the wicked kind.

I am a step mom to an amazing seven year old we call Peanut (or Peanut butter when she's in trouble, got to throw in the second name for emphasis.) Her Daddy says she was all brown and shaped like  a little Peanut when she was born. Of course I didn't get to see her. I met her when she was two. But I can't imagine my life without her. She is my first experience as a parent. My husband was adamant that we would both be parents to her, not just me sending her to him all the time. And really I consider her my daughter, not my step daughter. Some how calling her that seems to make her a lesser member of the family, when she's anything but.  

She's had a really hard year because of  stupid decisions the adults in her life have made and her just getting dragged along behind them. She also gets treated differently by some family members. Which hurts my heart. I try really hard to make sure that the rules are the same for both the girls.  Its a hard thing because we have different rules and values at our house, compared to her mom's. So we try to balance that out and help her grow into a little person. 

There isn't a lot of literature or blogs that cover or offer advice for step-parenting.  Its not harder or easier then being a maternal mom, but its different. You have to balance dealing with the other mom, the visitation, sometimes even legal stuff.  I don't know what kind of advice I could give but now and then I think I would like to blog about some of the trials and triumphs of being a wicked stepmother. 

Do any of you have step children? Or does your kid have a step parent? Any suggestions for blogs about it? Love to hear your opinions. I hate talking to myself.

Zombie Zeigheist?

I was looking at my posts and I noticed that the post that got the most comments was the zombie one. Which gives me the warm and fuzzies, because I love me some zombies. So I thought I'd post a little zombie love randomly now and then. But I wish it could have a good name. Like a fun alliteration. Zombie zoo? Zombie Zuesday? (and post it on Tuesday..eh...eh..No?) Anyways if you guys have any suggestions, hand them over. So I can use it and take full credit!

How zombietastic is it that everyone has been making such a big deal about Micheal Jackson's Death Day. Its not his birthday! Morbid much? So I thought I'd join the bandwagon and do a  zombie post.  By busting out this bad boy. You know you've tried to do the dance at least once in your life...

Why you all wet, baby?

I read a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I also can get really into a book. My husband gets irritated because he'll say something to me. And five minutes later I will look up and say "huh?" I keep telling him not to even try to tell me something important while I'm reading. He says I should just pay attention. We are at an impasse.   

But I love being so into a book that when you stop reading, its almost like you have to wake up, or remind yourself that its a book and now you're in the real world again.  Shutter Island was one of those. Its about a US Marshall going to investigate a missing patient at a hospital for the criminally insane. It is a little slow at first but when it gets going, it is the very definition of a thriller. I couldn't put the book down. And then when I was done with it, it took me a little while to get out of the funk it caused. It made me want to hug and kiss my children.

The best part is I had no idea what the ending was going to be. Its actually pretty hard to surprise me, but they did and it was like a literary sucker punch. But in an awesome way!

Dennis Lehane also wrote Mystic River, and Gone, Baby Gone. So he obviously writes books that make good movies (Oscar worthy movies)  But he also writes really good books. And I will absolutely read more of his work.

I now have the movie on Netflicks.  But here's the trailer to get you excited about both.

Update: The movie was terrible, slow and boring. Just read the book.

My very own butterball turkey.

Who me!?

Does anyone else feel like a bad parent when they go to the pediatrician's office? (or a bad furry parent at the vet's?) I always do. Bliss's four month appointment was Tuesday. She's actually almost five months but there was some confusion with her actual four month appointment. And by confusion I mean we said one date and the rude appointment setter put in a whole different day. So we had to reschedule. 

Anygrumpy, I couldn't remember what time her appointment was so I woke up at 7:30 to call them. Guess when her appointment was? Oh yeah 8. Of course.  So I leap out of bed and start getting dressed. I wake up Bliss and get her dressed, make a bottle, grab keys and money and I am out the door. I am ten minutes late. Not so bad. I realize then that I had made a bottle, then left it sitting on the coffee table. Well that's helpful. 

We get taken back immediately to the tiny exam room. (My pediatrician's office has a hallway of exam rooms, and all the doors have door knobs that are too high for little hands to reach. I love it and I want them in my house) I immediately start noticing how dirty Bliss is. She hadn't had a bath the day before, her nails were like little daggers with dirt under them, (how does she get dirt under her nails? Does she go weed the garden while we're all asleep?) and she smells like old milk. Oh my god, they are going to take her away because I am a terrible mother. I get out the wipes and try and clean out her fat folds, of which she has many. I bite her fingernails down. (Do not judge! I refuse to use nail clippers because of all the bloody horror stories I got told as a new mom!) 

The nurse comes in to weigh her. She weighs 20 lbs. My five month old is a thanksgiving turkey! She's in the 90th percentile for her height and weight, and only 75th for her head. She is not only the Michelin baby but she has a little Beetlejuice head. Now I worry that the doctor is going to think that we are force feeding her for foi gras.

she's going to need a bra soon

But all she does is put her on a diet. Kind of. We're starting her on solids a little early, so she can get full off something with less calories and check her weight in six weeks. She is also meeting all her milestones. Although secretly I think she's not rolling over, she gets so far and her weigh and gravity take over from there. Also she isn't weight bearing on her legs as much as I remember Pea doing, but really that's a lot of weight to hold up. Poor thing. 

So I left, with my baby and without the guilt. And hopefully we can get her weight under control before the next appointment. Oh and she's teething, so fun. Deny her a bottle and let her chew on my hand like a feral animal. Looking forward to it.

What do you guys have mommy guilt about? Is your baby overweight? Or is mine the only one? It is your job to reassure me here guys! Thanks!

My heart beats for you

They've done studies.

That babies prefer to be rocked at 80 beats per minute. 

The average human heart beats at 80 beats per minute.

The babies get use to that rhythm while in their mommy's tummy. Because to a baby a heartbeat isn't just a sound its also a physical sensation.

They've done more studies

That all over the world, people rock their babies at 80 beats per minute

It doesn't matter what country you're from or how you raise your children, we all comfort them the same way.

pictures from weheartit

That just makes me really happy. How about you?

Thinks we need to restart nap time in our house

On Sunday  my daughter fell asleep. 

On the toilet.

In mid poop. 

sadly no pictures of the event. but isn't it cute that she's still

clutching her balloon while passed out.

Perfect inspiration

 "To Wish you were somebody else, is to waste the person you are. You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection". -Buddha

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. Isn't skin deep enough? What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"-Jean Kerr

"Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body instead of a body with a soul"-Wayne Dyer

 "What's with you today? Yesterday you were normal, and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate kid." -Empire Records

Every Little Bottom

Not any of my babies, but still cute.

Okay. Diapers are expensive. Its a fact of parenting life. Even cloth diapers can add up, with the liners and the washing. And really there is no relief.  For people who need help there is formula, toys, money, classes, and oodles of other things. There's even the La Leche League who takes your donated breast milk for babies who need it. 

But diapers? Nope, sorry. Guess your kid will have to shit in your hand if you can't afford it. And those suckers are expensive! We have always been able to keep our babies butts covered. But sometimes its been close.  I've wondered if I was going to have to wrap Daddy's t-shirt around them and hope for the best. (Of course I use Daddy's t-shirt! mine? pht) 

Luckily, Huggies is going to do something about it. They've started an initiative called "Every Little Bottom." They are raising awareness of the problem, and donating up to 20 million diapers in the next 8 months. And of course they need our help.

You can go here to find a place to drop off diapers. New ones thankyouverymuch. And Brittany at Mommy's Words is one of their ambassadors. She's so fancy! So follow her to keep up with what's going on. And of course tell everyone else about it too! Or I will punch you in the head.

ADHD or just hyper?

These are just some of the disorders the girls at work have.Some of them have more then one diagnosis. . All of them take more then one medication though.

That's what I'm wondering about today. Peanut may have ADHD. We haven't done any of the paperwork, because me and my husband are hesitant. I worry because ADHD is over diagnosed and children can build up a very quick tolerance to the medication used.  Also you can't shake the feeling that you did something wrong. Rationally I know that if she truly has ADHD that's not our fault. But you know how it is as parents, you have to beat yourself up about every little thing. 

I am certainly not judging anyone here who has or has not put their kids on medication. Whatever works for you and your child is the best course, period. I have just seen so many parents use it as a babysitter. Their kid doesn't have ADHD or need medication, they need attention from their parents. So I was pretty quick to say I don't want Peanut diagnosed. I don't want her on medications, and I certainly don't want people to look at her differently when they know. 

Then I started thinking. Me being so adamantly against it, is just as bad as the people who are quick to use it as an excuse to dope their kid up. And I started thinking about how it must be so hard for Peanut to go through her little world completely unable to focus. How it must be so frustrating for her to have to get in trouble when she honestly doesn't get why she's in trouble. Or to have to listen to us yammer on about why she shouldn't do things and not be able to focus on one single word? Then get in trouble again for not listening. 

Also it would nice if the short time we got to see her, we weren't having to reprimand her every five minutes. 

I'm not saying that meds would be a miracle cure, there's always got to be parental involvement. Also there are options to try before meds. Focus exercises and different home therapies we can try. School's out so we have to wait until we can get teacher feedback again for it. I will be more open to the idea this time. But if the doctor immediately insists on just sending us home with a prescription, I might have to go find a second opinion,

Just to cover all our bases.

Does your kids have a diagnosis of ADHD? How was the experience of getting there? Does your kid take medication or not? I can use any kind of advice or opinion.

Video footage evidence that my husband is the best Dad ever.

My kids are super lucky to have my hubby as a dad. He is super great at it and makes it seem effortless. He is also a great husband and parenting partner. He lets me sleep, he cooks, he cleans, he changes diapers, he makes them laugh, he backs me up when I need it, but also tells me when I'm just being grumpy. He seems infinitely patient. He loves to share his passions with his girls. He wants them to grow up to be happy, but also not socially retarded so he also punishes them when its needed. Seriously he has a scary "Daddy voice" sometimes I feel like I'm in trouble.                               

Not only does he do all these things, all in one day. Sometimes over and over again while I'm passed out not helping him one little bit, he also is the manager of an ice cream store. One day when we went to visit him at the production facility (which Peanut calls "Daddy's Chocolate factory" ) We couldn't see him anywhere. Until he comes riding by on a speed rack waving at us, then back out of sight. You cannot believe how much Peanut lit up and could not stop laughing.

One reason why I'm glad my husband is the father to my children...because he is incredibly sexy. And I have proof. Check him out. He is not the skinny guy in the jester hat. pht.

I told you he was kick ass, didn't I?

Happy Father's Day babe!

The water's kind of cold

I pretty much never wear shorts in public. Because I don't like the way I look in them. My legs are too big, so I think when eyeing myself critically in the mirror.  But you know what? I live in central Texas. Triple digit degrees are a regular occurrence. So I'm claiming back shorts. I can look cute in anything and rock them out, whilst not being overcritical of myself and my legs. They've been pretty good to me, holding me up and all that. I'm going to let them breathe. 

Maybe.

To work up the courage, a bloggy dipping my toes in first. I rounded up some inspiration. 

So down with the bright red shorts and shoes!

I'm digging the dressy shorts. I even like that she has one side rolled up higher then the other. Obviously I would wear it sans tights. And sans hat. I look really dumb in hats.

A fluorescent romper...yes, please.

I adore anything sailor inspired. Love, love the buttons.

And everyone has these in their collection. AmIright?

I am shedding.  My hair is everywhere! After my poor husband vacuums he has to sit and cut out my hair from the rollers. Huge gobs of it. (And bits of pom pom string, guess where that is now? Oh yeah its in the trash) I know its normal after pregnancy, but it is a little cringe-worthy when I'm in the shower watching it clog the drain.

No worries, cause if I do lose my hair. A) My husband will still love me because he's fantastic! and B) I could wear a different wig every single day!

So just in case, its not a normal pregnancy thing and I am actually going bald, I researched some kick ass head gear for the future.

              and I would paint my cheeks too. Just to get the full affect

because if you can pull this off, you can pull anything off. Although it might hurt your neck after a while.

Just in case I wanted to creep people the f out all day

Umm...yeah! Only problem I can see is it might get in the way while driving. Nope no cars in my blind spot, just fantastical cotton candy hair!

Have to have a Dolly wig! I've always loved that she owned her fakeness.

And I cannot leave out the best wig of all time. 

(all pictures from weheartit )

And of course I would be singing this all day!

You've got red on you

I love zombies. But I haven't been too impressed with zombie literature so far. Like the survival guide.  It was cute but not enough gore. My favorite movie is Dawn of the Dead, the remake. I love when they're popping off celebrity zombies. I wanted that to go on longer. And absolutely adore Shaun of the Dead. Its a great mix of comedy and unexpected real moments.

I just finished reading Dawn Of the Dreadfuls. Its the prequel to Pride And Prejudice and Zombies. I have resisted the urge to read any of these. Too trendy. I did the same with Harry Potter for years, now its an obsession.  So I gave in. It was a good easy read, it got more interesting at the end when the zombies started attacking. Now I'm open to more of them. And I am so ready to read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.  My next book is Shutter Island. I'll let you know how it goes. I haven't seen the movie yet so I want to watch it after the book now. So I can be one of those..."The book was so much better." I hate when people say that. Of course it was you idiot. Only movie better then the book was Stardust. The book felt like an afterthought. The movie is amazing. Something I will watch over and over again.

Anytangent, so in honor of zombie fiction, I give you some pictures from weheartit

This is really important information. Know it!

Want to get this for my hubby. Cause its so true.

They did this in Austin, on my route to work. But sadly the TXDOT people realized it and fixed it before I saw it. Sad.

A few insights. I've always wondered why I liked them so much.

Covet. From piungirlclothing.

From My Pin Up Zombie. Zombie and Pin up girls. Love it when two favorites get smashed together with such pleasing results. Like bacon and chocolate.

What do you guys think of the new literary trend? Do you have a zombie survival plan?  What are some of your favorite things that are good separate, but awesome together? Like french fries and mayonnaise.

So you don't confuse them with mountains

I got really excited when I read about this meme. Brittany at Va-Va-Voom Vintage wants us to list 5 things we love about ourselves and why. And then list 5 bloggers who have features you love. Loving yourself, then spreading the love around. Sounds kind of dirty. A love orgy, if you will? Gutter, mind, out.

Then I got sad. It took me way too long to think of five things I truly love about myself. I came up with about three very quickly. My husband tried to help, because he loves me and things I'm fantastic. (love is blind)But I felt like that defeated the purpose.  So that made me want to do this blog even more. And I plan on celebrating them everyday. Maybe not everyday, but as often as I remember and especially on days when I feel like a lump..of poo.

why yes I do always look scared in pictures. You should see my driver's license. Completely terrified. 

Without further ado....

1. Eyes-they are magical color changing eyes, with a rim of constant gold

2. Hips-I've got curvy child bearing hips. (which I've never actually used them for) and they don't lie.

3. Scars-This one may seem odd but hear me out, I am klutzy and worked in bakeries. I have so many scars people have actually been concerned that I self harm. But to me, they are hard earned badges of honor from the culinary world and make me feel strong. Also of course my c-section scars are very near and dear.

4. Skin-I am way pale, and very happy with it thankyouverymuch. And my skin has always been good to me and I try to be good to it. Three cheers for sunscreen.

5. My tongue-its really long, not Gene Simmons long or anything, but I can touch my nose with it. Not necessarily beautiful but it makes me, me. And its a fabulous ice breaker. Wouldn't you want to be my friend after you saw me do that? Uhh yeah you would.

So now I am supposed to tell you 5 bloggers that I think are beautiful and why.

In no particular order.....

 Sarah Von at Yes and Yes. I know I've been waxing poetic about her blog. But look at her smile. Its infectious. That's what that is. (disclaimer-she does in fact have two legs, not that I would love her less)

Mary at Welcome to Deluxeville. Look at her stomach. I love stomachs that aren't all scary ab-y. And she worked really hard to look this great!

Salt from Salt Says. I love her eyes, they piercing. And she rocks out the skinny jeans like nobodies business

Rosalee at Big Fish Small Pond. Uhhh look at those cat like eyes. Very sexy! Also she has a great Elvis sneer. 
 

Meghan at The Perfect Compilation Tape. I think she has the cutest nose! But I get the impression she doesn't think so. Seriously, top five cutest noses.

So there's my two lists. Please go visit and follow these lovely ladies. Because they're more then just a great face, they blog too! And go visit Brittany too cause it all starts with her! I don't know why we're yelling!

Can you come up with a list of 5 things you love about yourself? Immediately? Or does it take a little work?

Sugar, we're going down swinging.

I actually have another post planned and ready to go. And I wasn't going to post it until tonight at work. Because why else do I go there? Oh yeah because of all the support and creative growth. yeah that's it.


But I came across a meme that is near and dear to my heart (eyes, limbs, kidney, libido). Raise your Awareness brought to you by the letters Hearts Make Family and the numbers Headaches, Hormones, and Hot Flashes.  And this week they are talking about Diabetes.

I've ranted posted before about the cost (with or without insurance!) of having it. And you can go here to find more exact information about it.  The symptoms are almost like being pregnant, extreme exhaustion for no apparent reason, excessive urination, and excessive thirst. There's more but those are the basics. Look guys, doctors are human and also have to live by the restrictions the insurance companies put on them. So you need to take control and ask them to test you or your kids. Especially if you are overweight. Please do this. How would you blog if you are blind and have no limbs?

I went to culinary school to be a pastry chef. This may sound odd for someone with Diabetes, but I had a two fold plan. First off, type 2 diabetics can eat sweets, you just have to account for it in your diet. (I don't want to speak for type 1 because I only have limited info on it) So why not have that be the best thing you can eat. I'd much rather waste my one sweet on creme brulee, then a Hershey bar. (but don't get me wrong, sometimes I just want a damn Hershey's bar) My second plan is, to learn how to make it the right way so that I can break it down and make it a little more diabetic friendly.  For example when a recipe calls for sugar you can use half of that in honey. (this might affect the crust because sugar makes things brown) Somethings just have to be bad for you.  Like homemade ice cream, just doesn't freeze right. If I was on The Next Food Network Star that would be my "point of view" making food more diabetic friendly. You'd watch that show right?  (Also I really hate it when chefs say they don't want to do dessert, that nobody cares about it. Its the last thing people eat, its the end note. How can that not be a big deal!Arg!)

Also for savory, replace mashed potatoes with pureed cauliflower. I am a potato lover, its almost indecent, but this still hits the spot when I have a craving. Basically if you get creative, you can feel better and eat a little better. Even if your not diabetic.  Maybe I'll start posting my "Experiments." for you guys to try?


Do you guys have type 1, 2, pre or gestational diabetes? Your children? Family members? What are creative ideas you implement in your family? Also if you want do a post and link up here.

all images from weheartit

Stream Of Conciousness or Word Vomit.

I feel like my mind is like a sieve. They say that being pregnant actually messes with your brain. It totally does. 

To be honest it scares me a little bit how forgetful I am. I mean I was already pretty bad. My husband keeps my driver's license because if not I would lose it every other day.  I need to do some brain exercises, like logic puzzles. I use to do logic puzzles in Gifted and Talented (Geeks and Twerps) and I rocked those out!

I have a lot of mom guilt. I don't spend enough time with my girls, and soon they will be too big to want to hang out with me and it will break my heart. I'll be busting out with Cat in the Cradle.

Having a lot of trouble trusting people. And then people act like "Why don't you trust me?" Well maybe because when I was down you kicked me? When there was a new one you forgot about me? But now that I'm back, you want to be buddies? Yeah maybe that's why.

Always have a concern about people coming out of the woodwork from the past and messing with the life we are trying to create. And coming out of the woodwork is the absolutely correct phrase because that whole group are a bunch of cockroaches.

Been having movie nights with the hubs ex-girlfriend. I know! Weird. But she's a lot of fun and we can joke about their past. I hate when we have to pretend like nothing happened. I would love to just sit everyone down in my life and be like..okay...I know you said this about me. Can we clear the air and just own it? Please? I'm always one to confront the awkward situation head on, by calling it what it is. "So...you've had sex with my husband...awesome..." Instead of ignoring the elephant in the room. Maybe I'm weird but its worked for me so far. I've been called a bitch when being honest more times then I can count. But if honesty equals bitchiness then I've accepted that one a long ass time ago.

Don't you hate when you try to be nice and friend someone on Facebook and then feel like you can't say certain things because they might throw a shit fit? Yeah that sucks. Part of me wishes I had started out blogging anonymously so I can just throw all the crappy stuff out there without expecting a phone call later. But lately I've been like fuck it. You want to be friends so bad, lets do this. Friends are honest.

I am super lucky to have a husband who knows how to make me feel better all the time, he quells my nervous tummy box, soothes the furrows from my brow and kisses a smile onto my face. So really not much to complain about!

And I got myself an award. Mostly just because I am awesome. You know this already.

I got it from Tylaine at Just Me, a fellow newbie Mommy blogger. Go check her out.

I'm supposed to list 7 fabulous facts about myself  and pass it on to some other people. So here goes!

1. I got married the first time at 19 (it didn't work out, who knew?)

2. I was a drama major.  (now my life is a study in drama...ohh..good one.)

3. I had an affair with a married man in high school (it mostly just made me feel gross)

4. I have 5 tattoos. (and I want so many more!)

5. I almost didn't graduate high school because I skipped or was in ISS too much. (such a rebel..)

6. My hands down all time favorite job was being a lifeguard/counselor at a sleep away camp

7. My step-mom was from England. (All I took from her was a love of hot tea with cream and sugar. She was a crazy cat lady)

And now the envelope please....

1. a l'allure garconierre (someone please teach me how to add accents!?) -a fashion blog,   

but written from a feminist point of view. Very refreshing.

2. Yes and Yes- New favorite blog. In the midst of her archives right now. Her premise  is why say no!its inspiring and uplifting. She never seems to have a negative attitude. Which is amazing to me.

3. Working Girl-If any of you work in an office or wish you did, you will find something to 

laugh at.

4. Workforced-again see above, but maybe a tad more tongue in cheek

5. From Inkstained Hands-she use to be Woolgatherings but she changed it to reflect
 her new outlook.