This is how I've been feeling lately. Just too much stress. They come in an check my blood pressure and say its elevated, well no shit! Hopefully Bliss will come home by the end of the week and I will be going home tomorrow to be with my other babies who I miss so much.

I got really sad last night after I left the NICU, I want all of them all at once. I don't want to leave any of them anymore.

Also I've been having problems with people in my life. I am beyond sick of fake friends and shitty family. The older I get the more I realize how you have to make your own family. I would rather have one or two amazing friends then a big group of so-so friends, or emotionally distant relations. And I do have some really amazing friends and some amazing family members. But instead of worrying about the rude ones I will concentrate on the ones who have been there in my life when I have needed them.

Its funny because I was reading Ethel's blog about her son's wedding and I was going to ask her how her family reacts to her blogging. Does it bother them or do they just nod and smile? I know how hard relationships are (especially the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law ones. Those require some finesse and tongue biting sometimes ;) And then I get an email from someone complaining about me posting things on facebook. Not even about them just about my life. And it hurt my feelings quite a bit, because why can't you just be happy for me and my family, you have to bring up mean things cause your life is hard right now? Also on a side note, when you say something offensive, don't say I hope your not offended. If you were worried that I was going to be offended then you shouldn't have said it. But anyways I'm not going to stop blogging or posting things on facebook, because I like to do it, and if they don't like it then they don't have to read it. And like I said, you make your own family and I think I've got a pretty kick ass one so far. And I will continue to weed out the ones who aren't making things better and cultivate the ones who are.

Despite all this whiny-ness, I am actually quite happy and optimistic lately. I have three beautiful children, the best husband in the world, and some really fantastic friends. And I know with these people by my side, my life will be amazing and successful.

P.S. Go read: The Adventures of Fred and Ethel, she is so honest and interesting. I really feel like I know her because she lets people into her life through her writing.

Following my Bliss

She's here! She was 6 lbs 7 oz and is 19 inches long. She is (sadly) in the NICCU because her little pancreas still thinks it needs to produce enough insulin for my blood sugars, not hers. But as of today she's been regulating her sugar on her own and eating by herself. So fingers crossed she'll get to come home with us and not have to stay. I straight up told her she needs to get her act together by Friday because that's when I'll probably be discharged.

I've been pumping, but to no avail, which is frustrating but I'm going to keep at it and try not to beat myself up over it. I am in pain, but the nice nurses let me have drugs so that helps and my husband has been waiting on me hand and foot. Because he's the best.

When I first got to hold her, she opened her little squinty eyes and stared at me like, "I recognize that voice." It was a wonderful sight to see after laying in bed in pain all day. Also she has so much hair, I swirled it up into a little mohawk. Because I'm one of those trendy moms. So anyway, we are super excited and just hope she keeps improving.

You are what you eat

Food. This as always been a touchy subject for me. Not only am I diabetic but I am a trained pastry chef and a reformed vegan. Food is wrapped up in so many things to me, politics, joy, family. I could go on. I've even considered trying the gluten free thing. I use to work at a gluten free/vegan bakery, and while it wasn't exactly the same the cakes weren't too bad (when smothered in icing or chocolate) but the idea of not being able to bake bread kind of kills me a little. Hand kneading dough is the best form of meditation out there, and waiting for it to rise twice and then bake is a lesson in the fine art of patience.

Obviously I struggle with food because of my diabetes. I never had such a sweet tooth until I was diagnosed. Now all I want is chocolate or creme brulee. I usually try very hard not to waste my cheating on a Hershey's bar or a snicker, but to splurge and buy some Scharfenberger and make chocolate meringue pie at home. But especially during this pregnancy the siren song of the candy counter has been very, very hard to ignore. Then I always feel guilty because its not just me that I'm screwing with its also Miss Bliss. Its a vicious cycle.

Oddly enough being vegan made me much more open minded in food. Since I couldn't subsist on hamburger helper and mac and cheese I had to get more creative and I love that I have a much wider range and better trained palate thanks to that experience. I wouldn't trade it for the world. My husband even taught himself how to make vegan dishes just to woo me when we were dating. So it also brought me closer to him.

I watched Food Inc. the other day and it scared the shit out of me. I am pretty good about moderation, we actually don't eat much meat in our house because we can't afford a lot of it. And when we can I like to buy it at the local farmer's market and I am researching local CSA's for when I get back to work since things are going to be very tight while I am on leave. I like to be informed about what I put in my body. But don't get me wrong, sometimes I just really want some hamburger helper or my husband's fried chicken.

There are so many dangers involved in our current agricultural industry. Factory farming is one of the main causes of pollution. They're not even close to being well regulated enough for sanitation. Too many people get sick and now since their waste is running down hill even our vegetables are giving us salmonella. And that's just plain frightening. Also the way the animals are treated is appalling and can't be doing much for your soul to be absorbing all that negativity that lingers. (and let's not get started on the amount of oil that is used)

I'm not saying you should stop eating meat. I'm not. But I'd much rather buy my chicken for my fried chicken from a local farmer who has respect for me, the land and the animal. I just think you should be informed at the very least. Know what you are eating because, after all you are what you eat. And that's another downright scary thought.

Go check out Food Inc. Not technically a documentary to me, because its obviously biased in one direction. But very informative. Also go read Michael Pollan, he's very straight forward and you'll never look at corn the same way again.

(photo courtesy of moi, chocolate souffle, mmmm)

A little...

This is just a quickie. (you know you like it!) I am having Internet woes at home, and soon I will be on maternity leave so won't be getting paid to blog. Sadly. So a post so you know that I am alive and still here.

A couple of thinks of interest. (I totally meant to put things, but hey lets examine our Freudian slips instead of correcting them)

Saturday 01/23 is Yoga Day, so this means lots of free or discounted yoga in your area. So go check it out or drag a friend who normally wouldn't go. Go to Yoga Day to find an event in your area.

Also another thing I get paid to do at work is watch YouTube videos, and I just discovered Threadbangers. Amazing DIY channel that inspires me. It makes me look at the world a little differently, when I look at things I want to buy, I stop and say. "Hey I can make that!" Right now I am working on a soft purple beanie for my mother-in-law because she is doing chemo right now and wants something to cover her head with. So that one is numero uno priority.

And of course Miss Bliss will be here soon and I will be plenty busy with that and my other Pea.

Have a great weekend and hopefully our Internet will stop being a butt so I can keep reading all of you!

Lies, lies, lies

He is so ridiculously cute. I cry every time.

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“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe in lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
—
Marilyn Monroe

*

So like I said in my past post I've been delving into the archives, and so sorry if this is super lame and something that has been done but on Bitter Betty she posted a blog called Two Truths and a Lie. Gonna go ahead and do it cause why the hell not. So take a wild guess in the comments about what's true and what's a lie. And check out Bitter Betty cause she inspires the crafty in me. Also if you do it, let me know so I can guess, or if you've already done it like a million years ago cause I am so old-hat post the link in the comments so I can still guess!

1. I was a specialist in the Army.

2. I drive a hatchback

3. I met my husband delirious and covered in blood. (him, not me)

I don't think I'm very good at this. Or my life is too dull to fool you with anything fun and outrageous. Have a good week!

A threat

Lately I've been reading the archives of all the blogs I follow trying to get caught up! And I seem to keep getting stuck in the summery posts. Browsing through the pictures of vintage bathing beauties and cute umbrellas makes the weather we're having a little easier to bear. Because the weather we're having is rain. That's winter in the majority of Texas, torrential downpours and black ice. It snows every once in a while, but I never seem to be around for it. I didn't really get to see snow until I was 19 and living in New Jersey. I stood outside like an idiot with my tongue sticking out and my face towards the sky. Then I lived in VA for three years and definitely got my fill of snowy winters. But I digress.

---

My main reason for this post, besides really cute girls in really cute bathing suits (I know, do I even need another reason) is because I have been noticing some of the grumpiness about

being era-correct or era-specific, and don't confuse me with a
rockabilly girl kind of blogs. I absolutely get there is a difference
of course. But some people can get so up in arms that you wore
1930's era earrings with a 1950's era dress, and god forbid you

wear a t-shirt every once in a while. When I read this I always want to point out in my politest big girl voice that they are in fact complaining about people being out of period on a very very un-vintage computer. But who am I to burst any one's bubble...unless you read this I guess. Shh. I think I'm a mix, with 2 soon to be 3 kids I have no idea how women of any of those days did everything they needed to do in full make-up, heels and pearls. My husband gets excited when I'm not still wearing pjs when he gets home from work. But again I digress, let's command the focus here and get back to my point....again.

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My point (breath a sigh of relief we are nearing the end I promise!) is that I know I'm not the only one subscribed to YouTube hair and make-up gurus for vintage looks. I love to try all the different kinds of vintage techniques that the amazing Ashley from The Lisa Freemont pages has so kindly tutored us in (just to name one) but there is one very unvintage thing that we all must do every single day, whether its summer, rain, snow or a pajama day, and that is to wear sunscreen! Most of the people in my family have skin cancer so I am vigilant about it and if I find out that any of you have been skipping this extremely important step in your vintage beauty routine, I will personally find you and hit you over the head until you get the point. And you wouldn't want to ruin those beautiful pin curls you put all that effort into, now would you?

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See I did have a point, but if I took too long to get there at least you had some wonderful eye-candy all courtesy of tumblr.

Round but stil hot

So I have a week and a half to go. Every thing's scheduled because of my diabetes, so at least I have an end in sight! I am so slow right now and have contemplated calling into work many times and telling them that I'm in labor and not coming in. Then going back to sleep of course. But needless to say I have been feeling a little down on myself. I finally have cleavage so that's pretty awesome, but I definitely feel a little....wide. I know, I know, I'm pregnant, I'm supposed to be fat. But the hormones don't always let me think rationally. Especially when I don't have ankles anymore, seriously none whatsoever. I stare at them in awe sometimes.

So I decided to post some pictures of the fabulous Sabina Kelley to remind myself how beautiful a pregnant body can be. Oh and the last one is inspiration for afterwards!

all pictures from photobucket.

The oldest vintage

Yoga and meditation are something that always makes me feel better. And they are seriously vintage. Sadly I haven't been able to do much lately, but I plan on using both to keep me sane once the third one is here.

Indulge me

So I apologize in advance because this will be a very cheesy post. It may make you gag a little even. That being said, my husband is amazing. He will indulge pretty much any request I have if he has the means. And not just because I'm pregnant, he has always been that way. He is amazing to me, and I of course take him for granted because I'm a jerk sometimes. But lucky for me he loves me anyway. But the other day I realized how much he loved me because of donuts. That's right donuts. The day before they had at the convenience store next to our house, those terrible but oh so awesome chocolate covered donuts. I was craving something sweet and he suggested those, and I was of course like "With milk!" So he goes into the store and I see him in the section where the donuts are and he looks so disappointed and even guilty because they are out and he can't get them for me. I saw the expression on his face and almost cried in the parking lot because he is obviously disappointed when he can't get me what I want. And I don't thank him enough at all. So this is a small drop in the bucket, my thank you blog post. (disclaimer: again I am pregnant and hormonal so the cheese isn't all my fault)

Trial and error.

Just a little pretty for your Monday night. The last 4 are from the oh so amazing tumblr. The first one is a picture of our family beach house that my dad took. Makes summer seem closer.

So I was thinking about doing a little something. I subscribe to a lot of youtube channels for vintage hair and make-up. I attempt to do the styles pretty regularly, and I thought it might be fun to post my attempts along with the video of how its supposed to look (with permission from the owner of course) So that you guys can see an amateur and see if I can get any better. My camera is broken right now (apparently they are not three yr old friendly, who knew?) But once its back up and running I think I'll try it as a blog post.

Also thanks for all the following and comment love that you've been sharing. It really makes my day!

The Tramp

I just netflixed this because I've actually never seen it, but Robert Downey Jr. is supposed to be fantastic in it.

Classic Chaplin

Older Chaplin talking with Orson Welles

From Modern Times. We actually have this one hanging up at home. Need a frame for it though.

I was reading about him today and there is a lot of history and scandals which most people know. Maybe I'll do a juicy gossip style blog later but just wanted to share some pictures and quotes. He also wrote "Smile" which is such a beautiful song to me.

"Smile even though your aching"

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl."

"I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth. "

"Remember, you can always stoop and pick up nothing."

"What do you want a meaning for? Life is a desire, not a meaning. "

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles "

Have a good week! (its technically the beginning of my weekend. Dance!)

Inspiration

My cousin shared this with me and I thought it was beautiful.

"I've loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night" -Galileo Galilei

It is cold here, and just doesn't really get cold here very often. I work nights and have to walk back and forth outside. I borrowed my husbands trench coat because my coat won't button anymore and I refuse to buy a maternity coat for just two more weeks of roundness. So I look like a weird shaped bag lady in it, but it is super warm. Needless to say though, I would much rather be at home with my honey where he can keep me warm instead of his coat. It is a poor substitute.
(on a random note, why do people say "needless to say" then proceed to say what should have been so obvious you had to tell me that there was no need to tell me it in the first place? My job is kind of boring. I think too much.)

Stay warm, whether its a cute vintage coat, a fire or (my warmth of choice) a loved one.

My obsession

I have always been a nerd about History. It was my favorite subject in school and college. I got all A's without even trying. (We will not talk about how I fared in other subjects without trying. )

I even thought about majoring in it at one point. But instead I went to culinary school. Which I love. I want my next tattoo to be a pin up girl with some sort of pastry chef twist.

My husband wishes I dressed like this in the kitchen. But Miss Brenda Lee from cupcakeprovacateur is much cuter then me in my pj's covered in flour. But I digress.

So my theory now is that my obsession with vintage life is just a natural progression of my love of history. Profound. I know. It comes to me when I'm baking.

Mmm dumplings.

Yesterday I made chicken and dumplings using Diamond Dame's dad's depression-era recipe. (Please go check her out, her blog is great and I miss her posts!) I obviously don't look as cute as Audrey does while in the kitchen, but the soup was fabulous! Its the second time I've made it and Butter loved it, couldn't get enough of the dumplings. I don't use a stewing chicken, just regular boneless thighs and use pre-made chicken stock (I know not very vintage) and I add more spices to the dumpling dough. Try it, its soup-er (get it soup-er, super...eh...nevermind) for the cold nights!

Just one grey Hare

My girls were watching an unbelievably awesome marathon on Cartoon network of all the old school Looney tunes! It was a nice break from Dora and Kai-Lan, seriously. So I looked up some fun pictures and interesting facts about Bugs. Sadly no juicy scandals in his past.

He was "born" in 1940, in Brooklyn to creators Tex Avery and Robert McKimson He has what's called a "flat bush" accent, a mix of of Brooklyn and the Bronx.

During WW2 he was a favorite cartoon, often seen outwitting Hitler and Stalin. In "Super-Rabbit" he's seen wearing a USMC uniform and so they made him an honorary Master Sergeant

"What's Opera, Doc?" where, with Elmer Fudd he parodies Wagner's "Der Ring des Nibelungen" has been deemed by the Library of Congress as "culturally significant" and selected for preservation in the National Film Registry, the first cartoon to receive that honor.

He and Mickey were the first cartoons to get a star on the Walk of Fame.

His characteristic leaning forward stance, while chewing his carrots came from a scene in "It Happened One Night" where Clark Gable is leaning on a fence, chewing a carrot and talking with his mouth full.

Bugs has won an academy award and nominated for two more! He gets around.

To be honest my favorite of the old tunes is the one where Daffy gets into the fight with the animators and they erase his beak and draw him into humiliating situations. So I added a picture of the Duck too!